Pony Up!

Even after three days following its staggeringly overhyped debut, the Celestial Steed mount is still high on everyone’s radar. Actually…make that GAYdar.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against unicorns or ponies or anything of the equine sort (dude, I actually liked the Sex and the City movie…heehee) and constellations and sprinkles and pancakes. And all those other things that happiness is made of.

BUT―and this is a big one, mind you―the newest flying mount is nothing but a bejeweled baby beast. And it’ll cost ya 25 bucks. Sure it’s pretty but man, we’re talking TWENTY-FIVE REAL WORLD DOLLARS.

DUDE, SRSLY. Riding that fancy horse is roughly the equivalent of riding a pink Audi TT IRL.

Big pimpin eh?

Just so you know, I’m not as outraged as some people are about this whole thing. In fact, I think Blizzard’s move is sheer genius. I would probably have thought of it myself if I worked for them but I don’t so I have to live with that.

I just wish they thought of us porkers too when they made the mount. I personally can never buy this My Little Pony (Superstar Fairy Edition) because it would look stupid and miniscule carrying my brawny, beefy toons. Next time, tone down the pizzazz and make it look kick-ass.

But I have to give credit where credit is due. Considering all the hoopla and the ridiculous amount of sales it has generated for Blizzard, the steed’s quite the stud.

WoW VS GFs Can Be Funny

There comes a time in every pig's life where he is forced to make a difficult decision, one completely life-changing there is no chance of turning back.

Well okay so maybe there is…occasionally. But often times, it’s too late bro. I’m talking about choosing between Warcraft and your girl.

I never got to that stage where she’s throwin’ out my stuff and all so it’s cool. But I’m very much a single guy now so I guess I’ll do better next time to avoid that at all costs. Yes, ladies. This guy’s officially back on the market!

Called it quits with that hottie I’ve been dating on and off for 3 months. No, she didn’t go all psychobitchy on me (whew!), precisely because she didn’t have enough reason to.

Can't say the same for the lame ass dude in this vid though:



ROFLMAO! Damn, their music’s catchy. And the lyrics? Gold. Plus, girl’s actually kind of doable adorable.

And that is how you do it girls. Find a creative, non-endangering outlet to unleash your wrath instead of, oh IDK, sneaking in our rooms and shredding beta keys to get back at us or something.

A Guide to Naughtygarden

This will be a (slightly) PG-rated post so kiddies who've yet to hear the birds and the bees lesson from their dads should stop reading now.

...Still here? Fine, you stubborn piglets can stay but let's keep this post our little secret, like when you snag those extra strips of bacon even when Mom says you've had enough. It's a yummy kind of naughty.


A little bit of a background. My guild is trying out a Naughtygarden version Noblegarden this year because most of us have already finished the Noble Gardener meta-achievement. We felt bad skipping all those delicious chocolate eggs and sexy bunny ears so we cooked up our own Naughtygarden holiday.

Basically, we are putting a twist on the old Noblegarden achievements and documenting them for the rest of the guildies to see (a private forums or blog will do the trick). Set prizes if your guild can afford them--it's been a blast so far!

Here are some Naughtygarden variations we're doing this week:

Blushing Brides. We log in a female toon and dress her up in a White Tuxedo Shirt and Black Tuxedo Pants, then kiss the Elegant Dressed girls waiting for their prince charming. We then ask the blonde belf if she'll take "Princess Charming" instead. Be prepared for RL blushes or even serious propositions.

Spring Fling Scandal. This one's a doozie. The regular spring fling achievement asks you to find a mate for your rabbit across the four starter towns. But here's where the scandal breaks out. Seems like your pet rabbit isn't being truthful about his single status--he's actually got a wife and kids at home!

My guildmates and I try to write the most persuasive blackmail letter addressed to Mr. cheating rabbit. My last letter read:

"Looks like your rabbit's foot ran out, Roger. Cough up the golden eggs or I'll send these pics to the missus. She'll skin and stew you alive."

Follow the Bunny-Maker. Ok, some of you might find this more creepy than naughty, but c'mon. When else can you stalk a legal-leveled belf hottie wearing those smexy bunny ears? If you're lucky, once you pop the Spring Flowers, the belf will play along and channel her inner model. Those bunny ears can sure make a girl special, I tell ya!

Naughtygarden is a great way to spice up the same-old Noblegarden. Feel free to borrow our suggestions or if you think of new ones, feel free to share them via the comments section. Stay naughty, porkers!

***

Rabbit ear model via stock photos at dreamstime.com

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Buzzing on BlizzCon

*exhales heavily*

Blizzard finally released the dates for BlizzCon 2010! October 22 and 23, porkers. Make sure to save the date!

I’ve been holding my breath for far too long and that says a lot for someone who hardly even stops to breathe when he eats, which is every twenty minutes, give or take.

Not much details yet on the two-day event as of late but then again, I’m not really a details kind of guy. I lean more towards the VISUALS. And I guess that makes me…a guy’s guy. Y’all know what I’m sayin’.

What’s that? You don’t? Well, I’ll let you piggies off the hook this time and let this vid speak for itself:



WOWZA! Strut yo stuff. Them girls are lookin’ hella fine!

I could probably shed a few excess poundage just by watching them on stage with the way they get me sweating like a pig. Well, DUH. Ooh great! Thanks for the idea, self! Now I’ve got THE best reason to pack my bags, drag my lazy-ass buddies along with me and head to Anaheim!

In A Rush For The Plush

THEY’RE HEEEERE!!!

I just checked the Blizz store and got good news. The Wind Rider Cub and Gryphon Hatchling have now broken out of their shells, ready to fly and land straight to your doorstep.

Now the Warcraft Plush Pets, the first in a new series of “cuddly, crafty critters”, have been announced a few weeks back. I’m not the biggest fan of stuffed animals, especially now that I’ve manned up and developed a six-pack (not entirely true ATM but I’m getting there), though I have to admit that these adorable playthings―yes, I did in fact use the word playthings―tug at my bacon-smothered heartstrings.

Come to Papi!

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now, actually. See, the Pandaren Monk (the one that helped raise up to $1.1M in sales and made wishes come true…woot!) already costs 10 bucks a piece so it goes without saying that these Plushies would cost a pretty penny. And I was right. They officially went on sale yesterday and are $24.99 each to be exact.

The age-old Shakespearean-esque question remains: To buy or not to buy?

Dammit, they’re available for a limited time only so I gotta think fast! I believe the pros outweigh the cons though. The best part of this purchase is the bonus in-game pet code. The thought of not flying by my lonesome in Azeroth gets me stoked, dude!

Also, you can adopt either pet in-game regardless of your faction which is great but also kinda irrelevant as I play both Alliance and Horde. Don’t hate.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt to add to my collection of toys for the big boys. If that doesn’t work, I could always give the plush away to my niece current squeeze as a “just because” type of gift. Yeah, chicks dig that stuff.

Or not. I could invite her over at my place to hang out, carefully misplace the furry little gem somewhere she’d instantly see and then ever so casually tell her that she can take it home. Even better man! Geeky, yes. But I still score points for the cute factor.

In any case, I am saving up.

Phat Gear in Patch 3.3.2

Hey, porkers, hope you skipped the lunch buffet because Patch 3.3.2 just served a pile of phat gear for us to chew on.

In this major patch that opens up the Frostwing Halls, we get to save a green dragon from being a Scourge lab rat and kill an undead wyrm who likes to eat heroes frosted. Clearing both encounters unlocks the path to the Frozen Throne room where, if spoilers are to be trusted, hero NPCs like Sylvanas and Jaina will help in the final battle against Arthas.

Within a couple of days, top guilds have attempted to down the Lich King but only a select few succeeded such as  Blood Legion (10-man world first kill) and Ensidia Paragon (legit 25-man normal world first kill). The biggest incentive for these leet groups aside from the bragging rights are the drool-worthy loot drops listed here and here. I don't know about you dudes, but I'd pay WoW Gold to get a glimpse of those heroic 25-man weapons with their awesome stats and loregasm quotes.

For the PvP hogs out there, the coveted items will be the new armor sets for the Season 8 Arena.

 
I'd rock the paladin set (shown above) in a heartbeat but something tells I should donate the helmet to the Deadmines diggers. The rogue set concept also owns because blind assassins are simply badass.

Patch 3.3.2 even made gear-hunting faster for those still working their way up the ilevels. Several nerfs have made the bosses easier in some dungeons (Forge of Souls, Nexus) and sped up the NPC run times in others (Halls of Stone).

So go, pig out on all the emblems. Just remember to stock up on WoW Gold for fish feasts and other vital consumables. Believe me, the well fed buff can make a fail PuG a barely-made-it win.

WoW Mag is Not a Rag

It took them nearly three expansions, but yes porkers, Blizzard has learned enough publishing skill points to craft the first official WoW magazine. And surprise surprise, the launch issue seems like an ilvl 500 collectible.

I've read through the articles, and IMO the subscription price is well worth it if all the quarterly issues are this good! But if you're on a budget and plan to grab some WoW Gold instead, then practice those emotes and /beg for the advance copy of an understanding guildie.

This cover image alone of an injured Arthas during the final face-off at the Frozen Throne is priceless. I'd even hang it up my bedroom wall should I ever snag one of those elusive belfs. It's all the more sweeter in my head imagining the vengeful Sylvanas slinging those painful crit-hits.

The new mag contains all sorts of win content, and for all types of players, too. Casuals get to gush over the pet collection trend (pages 8-13 in the preview), while hardcore raiders will reserve the spoilerish Siege of Icecrown Citadel feature (pages 14-21) for bedside reading after the last encounter of WotLK.

I'm also drooling over the Cataclysm tidbits. Faithful readers know I'm pretty sick of battling through snow and undeath, so looking over new Worgen art is bringing back some of that excitement.

Warning Labels

The last few weeks may be taking its toll on me. It's been nothing but bacon binges (it's mandatory here at WoWGoldPig.com) and clearing the rest of ICC like the Plagueworks and the Crimson Hall. It's quite an unhealthy combination, especially on the raiding side. I even thought up some warning labels that should come with every progression guild invite:

"Healing is dangerous to your hairline."
"Tanking is the leading cause of headaches."
"(Aggroing) DPS kills (appetites)."

Invincible

The only thing keeping me sane these days is the spine-shivering soundtrack "Invincible" that will be played at some point in the Arthas encounter. It's my current Zen music, see if it works for you as well, porkers:

Warcrack Woes

We all know what happens if you lose yourself too much in the game. And while addiction is no laughing matter, it can get entertaining when someone takes the right approach to poke fun at it.

Someone made a parody called “In The Game” and I just thought I’d share. Dude sure has a lot of time in his hands, aside from always sittin’, typin’, talkin’ ‘bout levelin’/in dungeons and battlegrounds/ gankin’, farmin’, nerfin’ and revelin’…Oh, just watch and see for yourselves!



Hilarious parody IS hilarious. His whole family even got in on the action! Man, that rappin’ kid’s epic.

Now I know y’all pigs are smart but here’s a reminder for ya just in case: There is a whole ‘nother world besides Azeroth. Getting high on Warcrack isn’t cool, bro.

Bite Me, Twilight

Yeah bite me, bite me

I'm a crimson apple

Crunchy, tasty

Why don't we go dabble?

Right there, porkers, might just be the next hit single from Lady Gaga. Strange things happen while reading boss tactics, and this gem of a chorus popped in my head while studying the Crimson Hall run against the vampiric San'layn.

There I was minding my own business in windowed Lagaran mode when guild chat discusses the Vampiric Bite ability of Blood Queen Lana'thel and how sweet it would be to watch an all-girl belf guild wipe after sucking each other's necks dry.

Raid Party Sampler. You'll go mad with one taste from her.

For those too busy to Wiki, Vampiric Bite gives a damage buff to a victim and requires him or her to bite another toon every minute or else succumb to an Uncontrollable Frenzy. I added the obvious that our top DPS should seek out the dangerous buff since they'd maximize its use, especially when  most accounts say the fight has a sadistic enrage timer for DPS to beat.

Though, all this planning assumed we can get past the Blood Prince Council:

Return of the Fallen. Undead belfs Keleseth, Valanar and Taldaram will deliver pain with their balls (yeah, just watch the vids).

Now these three could stay dead for all I care, but Arthas likes his undead toys (see: Sylvanas), so whatever. It just bothers me that these belfs have somehow brought out the Twilight fanatics from their cuckoo's nest, calling WoW a douche for riding on the coattails of their beloved vampire franchise.

Hate to break it you girls, but there's just so much double standard surrounding that Edward dude. He's dreamy despite the eyebags, bedhead and basement skin? But avoid us like the plague after an expansion release all-nighter (so we missed one bath)? C'mon, that's just plain cruel.

Ah, Cataclsym, you can't come soon enough. Earthquakes and island life will be such a welcome break from the emo atmosphere in Northrend. Speaking of the cold, anyone else less excited for the Frostwing Halls against Valithria Dreamwalker and Sindragosa?

Wanted: Housing for Hunted Hogs

My bacon-fattened heart took quite a beating when Blizzard tweeted its dim prospects for guild housing in the upcoming Cataclysm expansion and beyond:

Player: Do you still have plans to implement guild housing?
Blizzard: Guild housing isn't a priority. Aside from the huge development involved it gets people out of cities and into these private areas other players can't see. We like cities to feel populated. But I'm not sure anyone expected WoW to be going as strong as it is after five years, so who knows in the future.

This morsel of news saddened me since I've always wanted to create a guild called Safehouse SLOP aka "Safehouse for the Scavenging, Loitering and Overhunted Piggies of Azeroth".

It's a craptastic name I know, but it sums up the main objective: Save the piggies, save the world!

Before the Final Blow. Ever wondered the cruelty of cleaving for porkchops?

While other guilds obsess about world first kills or topping arena seasons, Safehouse SLOP will save our boar brethren from being slaughtered for cheap WoW Gold rewards. Alliance human toons in Elwynn Forest and Redridge Mountains should remember gutting poor Princess and Bellygrub for (gasp) eating farmer crops? Their swine appetite must be evil!

Orcs and trolls starting out in the Barrens, meanwhile, gank the pen-kept pigs like a bunch of squealing target dummies.

But with guild housing in the outskirts of capital cities, Safehouse SLOP can establish an HQ for fund raising and propaganda. My buddies say it's stupid to save virtual boars who respawn anyway after a couple of minutes. I point out though: If there's a movement to save ugly murlocs, surely the pigs deserve some love too.

Extinction Escape? There's no contest who should receive a stay of execution.

WoW may not be convinced that guild housing can serve as a nice counterbalance--and sanity break--to raiding. But I think of the possibilities: private dancing parties, guild "drama" retreats, and wild belf sorority sleepovers... or cheerleading practice (slightly NSFW).

I secretly wish for Aion and Final Fantasy XIV to come out with kick-ass player housing to keep Blizzard on its toes. If I've learned anything playing WoW, it's that players get what they want when there's massive QQing that another game has this or that feature. Surely, angels and elves basking in their own bungalows would bring out the nerdrage soon enough. :P

Is It Stanky In Here Or What?

Last week, Blizzard opened the new Plagueworks section of the Icecrown Citadel and boy are the new bosses nasty. The foul trio of Festergut, Rotface and Professor Putricide attack the olfactory with BO-based bombs that have left raids retching, if not wiping, altogether.

The Festergut fight even brought back memories of high school when I sat behind the class slob and his gassy stomach. The horror, oh the horror…

Rotface, meanwhile, is a lesson in proper hygiene. Dump the smaller slimes into one big pile so there’s space for movement. Sounds familiar? That’s because if you replace “slimes” with “clothes”, this is the same housekeeping rule all gamer moms want their children to learn, including me.

(I’ll clean up when you visit, mom, I swear on my WoW Gold!)

And don't get me started on Professor Putricide. Slime, gas, and abominations everywhere!

Nose-off

All the pre-raid talk on odor abilities led our group to a hilarious debate on which of the race-class combo can tank Plagueworks the longest without fainting.

My hombres get into this role-playing vibe sometimes (as seen in our latest Winter Veil exploits), so it wasn’t surprising we ended up taking sides between an undead warrior and a gnome death knight for best Plagueworks tank.

Some argued that an undead warrior grew up to the smell of graveyards and wears rotting flesh cologne, so the noxious gases should pose no threat. His emergency abilities of Shockwave and Whirlwind also give some breathing space when things literally get too stuffy.

For a gnome death knight, the approach is a little different: smell avoidance. As one friend put it, “During a fire the smoke rises but oxygen stays at the bottom of the room. So a gnome death knight can easily sniff the fresh air below!” Death knights will likely have improved resilience against nasty spells as well because of similar runic abilities like Plague Strike and Pestilence.

The debate raged for a good half hour or so. But I decided to make things a little wackier. “What about a Pig paladin?”

Tank, Pig, Tank!

A Pig paladin would have the quintessential Bubble-cum-oxygen tank and Purify spell for cleansing diseases. The enlarged snout racial passive also gives bonus resistance against strangulation effects.

Move over Belfs! There's so much of these wispy-haired paladins running around. Time to consecrate some Pigs into the order, I say.

Most of the group agreed that a Pig paladin might just beat out the other two contenders, with the proper spec and gear. But most already had enough in their hands reconciling how cows can become paladins when Cataclysm hits this year, so a pig paladin tank might be plausible only in WoW 2.0 (along with the Pandas and Nagas).

So how have you been preparing for Plagueworks, porkers? Searching through giant poop in Azshara and Hellfire Peninsula to psyche yourself up? Or have you been practicing the inoculation dance? Drop your two Golds in the matter. :D

Love Babes and The Hangover Dilemma

What do you get when you mix Booty, booze, babes and a whole lot of bang?

The best New Year's shindig this side of the Eastern Kingdoms, no doubt.

I visited Old World Azeroth several days ago to count down the minutes to 2010, and Booty Bay seemed like ground zero after a frat house soiree. The goblin bruiser guards were face smashed and dinged with zzz's--even while fireworks were blowing up the skies of Stranglethorn Vale.

Down for the Countdown. Will they wake up in time for their kin's Cataclysm debut? [Hat tip]

After watching the pyrotechnics show and making explosions of our own (care of an Engineer pal who busted open his stocks of green fireworks), we hearthed back to Stormwind for a celebratory toast.

Blizzard was kind enough to send giant barrels of fine bubbly, complete with festive mugs to down the spirits with. The posse decided to hang out at the trade district for awhile. The RL stories of eating and boozing in the main channel were too good to pass up--from leftover eggnog shots to Johnnie W's on the rocks. (Psst, the Pig still says to drink responsibly and never to drive drunk IRL, okay?)

From Stormwind we raced to Ironforge on foot via the Deeprun Tram tunnels. Now that was fun, noticing the underground aquarium for the first time! We then settled in Stonefire Tavern for a private afterparty (Tauren bouncer included, shockers!) to sample the fine liquor its barmaid had to offer.

The Brewer of Our Discontent. Barmaid Gwenna Firebrew serves better buzz than a sap-happy rouge. [Hat tip]

A jug of bourbon. A flagon of mead. A flask of port. A bottle of Pinot Noir. All that good stuff sent us straight to fuzzy screen land.

Someone suggested we then walk the bridge ledges connecting the Commons to the Auction House. Fall down and you'll pony up the next round of drinks--roughly 5 gold. I forget who lost or how long we spent there, only that we ended up /love-ing each other and the winter boars outside Ironforge.

Yes, we've locked the screenshots away and fed the key to Hogger. We decided against deleting, though, because of a possible The Hangover dilemma.

And the babes, you ask? Well the snouted kind seemed more willing to hang with us. The nubile belf-y kind were either aggroing or running in the other direction. Pfft, so what else is new.

Had crazy fun as well this New Year, porkers? Tell us what happened and welcome back to sanity!

Like Piggy In Her Hands

She sure played me, dudes. A beautiful blood elf if there ever was one, hanging around Mulgore in her Winter Garb knickers. She of pale skin and green eyes whispered small talk while I rummaged through my bank stash at the Lower Rise.

All I was looking for was a hand-me-down for a new alt. But I got a charming belf instead interested enough to ask about my holiday plans.

I told her the battleplan: raid ICC, level my prot pally, and spar with some twinked toons along the way. Basically long, uninterrupted stretches of gaming in my room (which I hope to turn into a WoW Pod someday). But I left out the part about eating spiced sausages with the intensity of a first-time Naxx run. Didn't want to seem like a total pig...

"Seems like a lot of fun," she said. "Me, I'll be farming herbs to help my lil bro out grind gold." A few minutes later I was sending her gold coins with a :D-filled letter attachment. The moment she turned her pretty head of golden locks, I realized I had been like piggy in her hands--a fat piggy bank, that is. Break open with a sob story and get free WoW gold.

So my advice is not to get too carried away with the spirit of Winter Veil. Just aid a questing lowbie or resist pwning a battlegrounds virgin. And most importantly, keep your head level when these lovely ladies talk to you.

Cool Customer. Don't let the clingy outfits cloud your judgment. [Hat tip]

You can do it, porkers!

Snorting Away the Winter Blues

Hauling my bum past freezing roads last night got me thinking: How awesome would it be to turn into a real life tuskarr?

Homeward Bound. A human winter won't be a match against massive hair, tough skin and cold-resistant flabs. [Hat tip]

As a tuskarr, I’d spend the winter walking in the park with Pig in tow. I’d also play World of Warcraft in the freezing patio to make Northrend raids all the more authentic. The cold won’t be such a bother since my Tuskarr hide will act as a natural insulator similar to Pig’s layers of flab.

Plus a turtle mount for errand runs!

I must have looked like one of the crazies, smiling at the thought of a Tuskarr existence. But then reality set in: Not even a strict diet of bacon, fish oil and WoW Gold can turn me into an Azerothian walrus.

Don’t be SAD. Snort some snow!

When I told Pig about my Tuskarr obsession, he said I could just be suffering from a mild case of the SAD, which afflicts most gamers apparently, observes some brothers at the card gaming realms.

Real SAD. Depression symptoms include averseness to WoW Gold and faraway emo stares. [Hat tip]

Pig tried to cheer me up with a sprinkling of WoW Gold left over from Peter Porker’s winning bash. When even moolah didn’t cheer me up, my flabby friend sat down and said: “Dude, you’ll be fine. Come with me, we’ll snort some snow.”

While the narcs won’t approve of his turn of phrase, Pig just meant he’ll help me finish the Feast of Winter Veil activities and get the Merrymaker achievement. Leave it to a gangsta hog-in-training to give some danger to one of the most non-l33t events in WoW.

I’ve already done a couple of quests for Winter Veil, and I can see why Pig squeals so much about it. There are hilarious ironies like gnomes pretending to be Santas instead of elves and rescuing a captured reindeer for gift-giving slavery.

Still kinda wish I could be a Tuskarr, but snorting WoW snow isn't that bad of an upper. Just have to suck it up in bigger chunks, like a powerful hog snout. Tips anyone?

And The Next Chop Model Is...

It began with eight aspiring piggies who—like hapless Alliance lowbies enlisting on the ruthless Illidan server—had no clue as to what kind of pain they were signing up for.

But after four grueling weeks that saw our fine porkers squeezing into skin-tight costumes and striking poses no pair of hamstrings should ever endure, Next Chop Model has found the loveliest ham of them all.

Introducing the Next Chop Model winner:



Peter Porker!

And as is the tradition from years past, Thighra Shanks ended the evening with an inspirational speech anointing Peter Porker as the “pit boy” of the 2010 spring-summer season.

"I am so proud of you," said an emotional Thighra, "because the piglet that burned my eyes with his fugly portfolio, has blossomed into a model.”

"You are a star. A bright, pudgy star with the lovely hue of a Sanrio kitty. You are the pit boy, the kind that will make heads—and noses—turn as you walk the dirt trails of Paris and Milan. You are truly special," said Thighra.

Winning Montage

As the crowd roared and a sea of WoW Gold poured into the hog pit where Peter Porker performed his celebratory muck-around-the-pen, a montage of his month-long journey played in the backdrop screens…

Week 1 : Peter’s portrayal of an undead piglet rising from the grave earned him a shriek or two from the judges—at how ghastly fabulous he looked despite the unflattering full-moon lighting and eye bag-enhancing make-up.

Week 2 : Drawing gritty inspiration from his troubled childhood on the wrong sign of Brooklyn pens, Peter painted himself a fitting black eye. In the words of Thighra: “He showed how maintaining the right attitude—and a great set of chops—can conquer any adversity.”

Week 3 : Peter dug himself into some rough patch during the final four when his rendition of the Swine King of Azeroth got mixed reviews from the judges. But lugging around authentic armor in the barren wastelands of Northrend gave him enough sympathy votes to push him into the finale.

Week 4 : The clincher week saw his final competitor Gordon Bleu pose as a WoW Gold baron basking in his goblin-protected bank vault. Despite the blinding display of gold by Gordon, Thighra rallied behind Peter due to his dashing turn as Cap’n Peter “Pigslop” Porker.

An Interview with the Teatcrest

Pentertainment News (P! News) host Ryan Teatcrest rushed on scene after the winner was announced, and got the lowdown on what’s in store for Peter Porker:

Ryan Teatcrest: Peter, Peter! What a finale that was. Was there any doubt in your head that the wig you chose was too ladylike? I mean, there’s such a fine line between pirate braids and reggae locks!

Peter Porker: You know Ryan, that dilemma troubled me for days. But I just relied on my guts—people always said this was my best part. And before I knew it, my shoot sizzled with the intensity of a Midwestern barbecue grill!

R: Patch 3.3 of Warcraft just went live and I hear Blizzlard is looking for new actors to promote it, similar to their campaign with T-Pain. Do you plan to have guestings or appearances in the numerous raids gunning for the Frozen Throne?

P: Funny you should mention that. My agent just called to say that Blizzlard has set up a meeting to discuss a possible part as the feast pig served after the defeat of Arthas. I’m excited to show off my graceful bellyflop pose and apple-munching dexterity.

R: Aren’t you afraid of the cold weather? Or worse, the sea of draenei paladins that will swoon over you during the filming at the Argent Crusade base camp?

P: I’m not worried one bit. Those cows can do with me whatever they want. It’s part of the gig to act as the beefiest bacon in town, and it can only help me to have such adoring fans.

With that final question, Peter Porker gave a quick strut on the runway and a classy snout goodbye to his fellow Chop Model Contestants. Next stop: Paris to spend his well-earned gold for the finest clothes a ham can have.

Let's just hope this includes some anti-barbecue gear for the coming Cataclysm.

Gobble up the gold!

In behalf of the other porkers here at WoW Gold Pig, I’d like to wish you a very happy Thanksgiving from the bottom of my heart stomach. (Come to think of it, I have a bottomless pit of a stomach so maybe that didn’t make as much sense as I intended but you do get what my point is, right?)

For us, there’s something much more exciting than celebrating “Turkey Day”. And what could that be, you ask? Black Pig Friday, of course!

You guessed it. We’re having another fly promo for the holiday season! Slow and didn’t catch that right away? Here, I’ll spell it out for ya. WoW Gold Pig is having a P-R-O-M-O, bro! How’d you like the sound of that?

So before all you guys, uhh, gourmandize, you might wanna shift your focus on the $4.95 per 1000 on WoW US servers we’re offering. Nothing beats our rockbottom, dirt-cheap price!

Your ass better get a move on as this is available for only 24 hours. Sale starts November 27, Friday at 12:01 AM until midnight.

Woohoo! On your mark, get set, GOLD!

Wowing the WoW Girls Part 3

Hola amigos! If you have been following my WoW Girls tribute, then you know that this is the third and last part. And if you haven’t, then you better read up. You might learn a thing or two from my potentially foolproof dating tips.

Now you might be wondering…After Jaina and Alexstrasza, who’s next?

To wrap up the series, I am going for the one and only Sylvanas Windrunner, the Dark Lady herself.

If she were to be classified using real world stereotypes, she would most likely be lumped in the goth/emo girl category. Yes, the haunting red eyes, ghostly pale complexion and expertise in black magic may have helped. But underneath that exterior lies a heart burning with the fire of vengeance.

Just a little background, Sylvanas was a former high elf who transformed into an undead banshee under the hands of the enemy. The lost, tortured soul persona is not a façade. Sylvanas is the real deal.

So why her? Obviously, this is one ballsy pursuit but I’m not one to back out on a challenge (especially since all this is just a figment of my imagination). Actually, it may have something to do with the human fascination of the undead. But I believe that regardless, she has a dangerously sexy edge that leaves me begging for more.

I do think the girl needs to let loose though. You know, just have a genuine fun time─no killing involved. And what better way to break the ice and shake off the tension by bringing her to an outdoor rock concert?

A music festival date, anywhere from Lollapalooza to the Glasto, is perfection. She doesn’t even have to change clothes. The skimpier, the better is the general rule. In between sets we’d tour around the stalls, get inked (henna, of course) and chill with some ice cream.

The night wouldn’t be complete without me breaking into song once more. Incubus’ Echo might just be the trick to melt her blackened heart.



Dang it! Do I need a real date or what?

[Image taken from http://www.wowwiki.com/File:Lament_of_the_Highborne.jpg]

The Broodmother Returns - Onyxia's Back, Baby!

Dude, have you heard? Good ol' Blizz surprised some of us today with the rollout of WoW Patch 3.2.2 and it's all awesome and stuff here at WoW Gold Pig.

I remember back in the day when Onyxia was a big deal back in vanilla WoW. Hoo boy, was she a fearsome boss. If you were part of an old Onyxia raid, you'd know how frantic it was just to get a group going and actually have them know the encounter.

You have to know where the melee should position themselves, where the tank should be, where the healers... y'know what? I'll just let this guy explain it to ya.



More DoTs! More DoTs! Always a fun watch. Oh, and I know that's technically not Onyxia in the pic above, it's Onyxia disguised as Lady Katrana Prestor. But c'mon, I think she's hot.

For a black dragon who wants to eat your guts and deep breath you into oblivion.

Meat Your Match, Chocolate!

Whenever us porkers get together for a WoW session, we also get ready to chow down. Well duh, that’s what pigs do.

But seriously, we do have piles of junk food stashed (chips, salsa, and Krispy Kremes are a staple) and I sneak a bite every now and then, perhaps more often than I should the others.

I’m a pretty adventurous eater with a taste for the unexpected so it wasn’t long ‘til I found about the existence of these one-of-a-kind venison chocolate truffles on the net. Venison, really? If you’re not sure what that is, it’s deer meat. Yep, deer.


The brainchild of New Zealand’s famed chocolatier Hanna Frederick, these mini sausage-shaped treats are an admittedly odd blend of dark chocolate and ground-up salty dried meat. Sounds like dinner and dessert in one, though of course, way less filling and calorie-consuming. Dude, where’s the fun in that???

On a side note, could this be every meat lover AND chocoholic’s dream? Maybe. But if you like the flavor of bittersweet chocolate and the aftertaste of salami, then this one’s for you.

[Image taken from http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-wine/2871640/Meat-flavoured-chocs-weird-but-delicious]

Wowing the WoW Girls Part 2

As promised, here is the 2nd part of the series. As you might have probably guessed, it took some time for me to select which of the lovely ladies at WoW I’d be worshipping this week. So the rest of the piggies here lent me their hands, err, feet.

Contrary to popular belief, pigs are actually smart. (Babe, anyone?) And our WoW girl choice for this entry reflects just that.

Ready?

Behold Alexstrasza the Life-Binder. The Dragonqueen. Queen Of Life. She Who Is Life. Dayum!


She may be a thousand-year old dragoness (though she certainly doesn’t look the part), but I’d still hit it. Ahh the allure of the older woman.

With her fiery auburn crowning glory, barely there outfit and glowing golden eyes, I initially didn’t expect her to be this caring, motherly figure. She is very compassionate for a woman of power. If I may say so, the girl’s like a saint crossed with a modern day hippie. Except neither are as appealing.

What’s more, this blazin’ hot momma’s got lady lumps and curves that put Monica Bellucci to shame. And that’s definitely sayin’ something.

So for our first date, I was thinking candlelight dinner on the beach. The peaceful and relaxed atmosphere will make her feel right at home. See, I’ve always been a gentleman but I gotta up my game here. How? By pampering her senseless. Okay, that didn’t sound quite gentlemanly but you get my drift.

After dinner, we’ll have a nice romantic walk, stargaze a little and then head back for a mighty sensual spa session. I’d even spring for her manicure, pedicure and all those typical girly things. Sweet.

And to top it all off, I’ll be serenading her with Snow Patrol’s Signal Fire. “The perfect words never crossed my mind 'cause there was nothing in there but you…”



Yeah, I should stop before I get too carried away. Last part coming soon!