Friday, December 18, 2009

Snorting Away the Winter Blues

Hauling my bum past freezing roads last night got me thinking: How awesome would it be to turn into a real life tuskarr?

Homeward Bound. A human winter won't be a match against massive hair, tough skin and cold-resistant flabs. [Hat tip]

As a tuskarr, I’d spend the winter walking in the park with Pig in tow. I’d also play World of Warcraft in the freezing patio to make Northrend raids all the more authentic. The cold won’t be such a bother since my Tuskarr hide will act as a natural insulator similar to Pig’s layers of flab.

Plus a turtle mount for errand runs!

I must have looked like one of the crazies, smiling at the thought of a Tuskarr existence. But then reality set in: Not even a strict diet of bacon, fish oil and WoW Gold can turn me into an Azerothian walrus.

Don’t be SAD. Snort some snow!

When I told Pig about my Tuskarr obsession, he said I could just be suffering from a mild case of the SAD, which afflicts most gamers apparently, observes some brothers at the card gaming realms.

Real SAD. Depression symptoms include averseness to WoW Gold and faraway emo stares. [Hat tip]

Pig tried to cheer me up with a sprinkling of WoW Gold left over from Peter Porker’s winning bash. When even moolah didn’t cheer me up, my flabby friend sat down and said: “Dude, you’ll be fine. Come with me, we’ll snort some snow.”

While the narcs won’t approve of his turn of phrase, Pig just meant he’ll help me finish the Feast of Winter Veil activities and get the Merrymaker achievement. Leave it to a gangsta hog-in-training to give some danger to one of the most non-l33t events in WoW.

I’ve already done a couple of quests for Winter Veil, and I can see why Pig squeals so much about it. There are hilarious ironies like gnomes pretending to be Santas instead of elves and rescuing a captured reindeer for gift-giving slavery.

Still kinda wish I could be a Tuskarr, but snorting WoW snow isn't that bad of an upper. Just have to suck it up in bigger chunks, like a powerful hog snout. Tips anyone?

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