Battle of the Bacon (and the Bulge)

I don’t know about you porkers but when it comes to patch 3.3.3., I am not a happy camper. Since downloading it, I’ve encountered issues with bugs, add-on screw-ups, getting DC’ed in 25-mans (and sometimes even 10-mans, ffs). So yeah, like I said. Happy isn’t the best word to describe me right now. Maybe hopeful. Actually, make that hungry.

When I’m stressed, I eat. That’s just the way it’s always been for me, dude. Some people go by the saying “Eat to live, not live to eat” but I say SCREW THAT.

Since last week, I’ve been driving by Wendy’s on the way home, successfully getting my burger fix after a long day at work and before a presumably stressful raid. I’ve made it my goal to sample every single menu item that’s been graced by the presence of bacon. I’m on to you, other fast food restaurants.

Now don’t think all that grease went to waste. In fact, all that gorging has lead me to create WoW Gold Pig’s first ever food face-off. LET’S GET READY TO RUMBAAAAAALLLL!!!



To start off, we have
WENDY’S BACONATOR

Calorie Count: 830

Total Fat: 51 g

Ingredients: Premium bun, 2 beef burger patties, ketchup, mayonnaise, 2 slices of American cheese, 6 strips of Applewood smoked bacon

Clogging Arteries Since: 2007




For the challenge’s contender, we have
WENDY’S BACON AND BLUE

Calorie Count: 680

Total Fat: 40 g

Ingredients: Premium bun, beef burger patty, tomatoes, lettuce, 4 strips of Applewood smoked bacon, steakhouse sauce, onions, dill pickles, ketchup, mustard, American cheese slice, real blue cheese crumbles

Clogging Arteries Since: 2010


Now let’s see how these babies score on WoW Gold Pig’s made up official criteria:

Mess Maker Master: Bacon and Blue. It’s mainly the blue cheese crumbles. Not advisable to eat on the car or the couch, unless you have a thing for munching on food that’s been preserved in the depths of old leather furniture
Machismo Appeal: The Baconator, hands down. With its exclusion of veggies, it is unapologetically badass. And yes, it’ll be back.
Resistance to Dog Attack: Bacon and Blue. Nothing fancy for my carnivore canine, who likes eating the same things. Like his poop. There’s no way I can eat my Baconator in peace when the tailchaser’s around.
Stomach Friendliness: Baconator for this one. Though I’ve never had issues after eating the Bacon and Blue, with far more ingredients it might not mix well with other foods in the future.
Presen

ARGH! You know what? Forget it. Seriously. There’s no way these two can go head to head! They’re both so good and I’m very very easy to please. Oh well, can’t say I didn’t try.

There's Always Next Year

/cry

That’s what I kept telling myself since last Saturday, the day I missed out on THIS:



Now if you don’t know what that is, you’ll make me even sadder. And fatter. I’ve been binge-eating myself throughout this coping process with inhuman amounts of my all-time favorite cured meat.

It’s the only way I can think of to compensate for my missing the annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival in Iowa this year. More than 1000 pounds of bacon were prepared, highlights of which were the chocolate chunk bacon cookies and the obligatory bacon-eating contest, for 2010’s “A Bacon Odyssey – One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Bacon.”

Even the title tears me up. I would’ve walked a thousand steps just to be where the party’s at! No, further! Yeah bacon, ‘cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you…

But alas, the tickets sold out on me. Tried entering the contests to win free tickets but no luck with that either.

I’m way bummed that I didn’t get to be part of the whole bacon explosion. I really am. I would have distracted myself with WoW but TBH, I’m too bloated to even function.

Now, excuse me while I help (help? no, not really) myself to another bacon cheese turtleburger.

How Fast Food Made My Valentine’s Special

Dude no, that is disgusting. I did not spend the night playing with the McDonalds’ Happy Meal Barbie doll I got from eBay last week. That’s for my niece’s birthday! Which is…7 months from now but uhh, I like buying gifts in advance so sue me.

Anyway, it’s true. Valentine’s Day was no longer S.A.D. (FYI, that’s Single Awareness Day) because I had an amazing date yesterday, so amazing that it didn’t leave me broke. And I actually impressed the girl (from the epic first date last month, remember?) by treating her to fast food! Not only that, we just ate in! How am I so sure she’s impressed? She asked ME if I had plans for next week and gave me the look after the 10-second goodnight kiss. Unreal, bro.

Okay, so I know you must be racking your brains, figuring out how I managed to knock a girl off her feet with greasy fare in my humble abode. But don’t worry, I’ll let you in on my secret in a little bit.

See, at first I was thinking about taking her out to dinner and a movie but then I realized that’s what everyone else is doing. WTB originality. So instead of making dinner reservations somewhere swanky and with menu items I’d have to rely on my amateurish tongue-acrobatics to pronounce, I figured we’ll have a more intimate homemade dinner. Plus, there’s no chance of us running into each other’s exes. How’s that for thoughtful?

The thought may count but dude, it’s the execution that matters in the end.

I’ll be the first to say that while I’m an expert face stuffer, I am in no way close to being the best meal maker. The fanciest dish I’ve probably ever attempted was a poor man’s steak au poivre. “Attempted” being the operative word. Good thing I stumbled upon fancyfastfood.com, transforming daily no-fuss grub to exquisite replicas of chef’s specials.

They’ve made over Wendy’s Baconator Combo to pass for a fancy schmancy Napoleon, BK’s Whooper & Steakhouse Burger into a fancy schmancy Perguignon and Tim Hortons into Tiramisu, among other things. Magicians, these guys.

For our date, I successfully prepared Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce, which is nothing but a fancified Mcdonald’s Filet-O-Fish. Of course, she didn't need to know that.

Not the one I made. It looked damn close to this one though.

Now why fast food? Well, if you’re like me, who’s a) just a regular dude and b) strapped for cash, fast food is a savior of sorts. And because c’mon, who doesn’t like fast food? It’s a guilty pleasure, whether you admit to that or not. Funny, I didn’t even feel a tinge of guilt as I watched her pleasure herself with every bite…

Plus, I got her the 36-piece Valentine’s Day Ballotin Godiva set for dessert. You can’t go wrong with chocolate. Unless if she’s allergic or dieting or picky, which is not the case at all so yes, The Bradster scores major points again! Woot!

Later into the night, we toasted to some fancy wine I stole from Pops’ wine rack when I went home during the holidays. Again, she didn’t need to know that.

Last but not the least, I serenaded her with my cover of Stolen by Dashboard Confessional ― complete with guitar in hand. I had to, man. Every guy has to have a signature move and that’s mine.

Boy, I sure came a long way from my Wowing the WoW Girls series. How’d you celebrate Valentines?

February Feeding Frenzy!

I know, I know. It still doesn’t top National Pork Month. I don’t think any food holiday ever can. Not on WoW Gold Pig’s list, that’s fo sho. But any cause to let yourself go have fun with food is suficiente bueno for us.

For the whole month of February―gasp, only 28 days!―we will be devoted to snacking EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Definitely not a job for someone who’s had S’mores Pop Tarts for his morning snack, chili dog for on-the-go, Tangy Roasted Corn Fritos for mid-afternoon, cinnamon rolls for pre-dinner and the criminally tempting Everything But The…Ben and Jerry’s to fight the midnight snack attack. Eh so that may seem a little much but dude seriously, where am I supposed to get all my energy? 3 square “barely there” meals just won’t cut it.

So like the gluttonous little oinker that I am, I searched the web for interesting snack ideas. It wasn’t long ‘til I found two WoW-inspired snacks, courtesy of snackordie.com, where games and gastronomical pleasures find true love and live slobbily ever after.



So I found these Hearthstone cinnamon buns first. Yes, here’s to hoping that if I eat this I could teleport myself straight to the kitchen and then back to the couch, kitchen-couch, kitchen-couch…oh joy.









Show off your faction pride with these Horde cupcakes. I could just imagine my stomach growling, “For the Horde!!!” as the cake and icing bits hit the roof of my mouth.





Now if only my favorite WoW desserts could materialize. Mmm…moist, buttercreamy goodness of red velvet cupcake, tarty-starchy mix of the berry pie slice, down home comfort of a deep fried candybar…

Jeez, all this snack talk is making me hungry. Again. Whoo boy, are my porcine instincts in overdrive or what? Happy NSFM piggies!

Tricky Treats

Allow me to catch my breath for a second. Three…two…one. Okay, I’m back. Nice to be up and blogging again!

All of us here at WoW Gold Pig have been extremely busy celebrating National Pork Month, organizing the Next Chop Model Contest, and preparing for the Halloween festivities. But we are not in any way complaining.

I have actually volunteered to help out with food planning. No, I won’t be the food taster again. I mean, I’ll still be the food taster but I won’t just be that this time.

So anyway, I took to the net for inspiration and found some awesomely revolting food ideas whose appeal lies in the stomach-turning category. I’m not much of a cook but I’d give these recipes a try. A warning though, porkers. No kids stuff here.

Photos below show proof:

Now this (they’re lemon cookies from hell) brings an all new meaning to finger foods. Finger-lickin’ good, eh?

What, little severed appendages too mild for ya? Try this bloody monster meatloaf hand instead.

Hmm maybe that’s still too safe. Why not have a go at something that has a freakin’ face? Chow with gusto as you rip the cheeks out of this sucker.

If that’s not enough to satiate your craving for dismembered body parts freaky but I’m-sure-they’ll-taste-good-or-at-least-I’m-hoping-they-would Halloween food, then maybe this panna cotta-like creation would do the trick.

A fancy Italian brain dessert? Hannibal Lecter would approve.

[Images taken from: http://www.flickr.com/photos/emergencyfan/3051600312/, http://shenews.projo.com/2008/10/halloween-recip.html#at, http://www.notmartha.org/archives/2009/10/27/meat-hand/, http://www.divinedinnerparty.com/halloween-party-food.html#at]

A Post Out of Hunger

Wiping on the second boss of Heroic Violet Hold for the fourth time is a good indicator that you're in a terrible PUG. It's times like these when I start flailing around and eat anything my grubby hands can find.

Lo and behold, the only things I found edible were last night's Cheetos' crumbs and the receipt from Gamestop. Crestfallen, I do the next best thing -- browse good ol' This is why you're fat.

Ah yes, the site that is a painful reminder of why America is America. Don't get me wrong; what they have there are all gastronomical masterpieces. Today, this caught my feeding fancy:

Meet the Widowmaker

1.5 lbs of ground beef, 1 package of bacon, 1 package of italian sausage, 1 box of hot pockets, 1/2 package of fried onion strips between 2 Tombstone Pepperoni Pizzas topped with Velveta Cheese and Marinara Sauce.

I can just imagine how many widows this monstrosity has made. I for one would love to try it out.

Maybe my next HvH wouldn't go so bad if I had something like that fueling me. It's like food on steroids.

With steroids ON steroids.

Meanwhile, let's all whine and QQ because today's a maintenance day. Cheerio!

Meat Your Match, Chocolate!

Whenever us porkers get together for a WoW session, we also get ready to chow down. Well duh, that’s what pigs do.

But seriously, we do have piles of junk food stashed (chips, salsa, and Krispy Kremes are a staple) and I sneak a bite every now and then, perhaps more often than I should the others.

I’m a pretty adventurous eater with a taste for the unexpected so it wasn’t long ‘til I found about the existence of these one-of-a-kind venison chocolate truffles on the net. Venison, really? If you’re not sure what that is, it’s deer meat. Yep, deer.


The brainchild of New Zealand’s famed chocolatier Hanna Frederick, these mini sausage-shaped treats are an admittedly odd blend of dark chocolate and ground-up salty dried meat. Sounds like dinner and dessert in one, though of course, way less filling and calorie-consuming. Dude, where’s the fun in that???

On a side note, could this be every meat lover AND chocoholic’s dream? Maybe. But if you like the flavor of bittersweet chocolate and the aftertaste of salami, then this one’s for you.

[Image taken from http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/food-wine/2871640/Meat-flavoured-chocs-weird-but-delicious]

The Sandwich of the Future

Yes, America. The Sandwich of the Future has arrived. Our friends at KFC decided they would take a break from the healthier alternative route they’ve been experimenting on and stay true to their fast food roots. Thus, the no bread, two of everything sandwich. They sure outdid themselves with this one. Kudos!

Without further ado, feast your eyes on this monster of all monster burgers.



Now the Double Down may not be Top Chef-worthy and initial reactions have generally ranged from “disgusting” to “Why would anyone put this into their body?” but at the end of the day, who cares? When I have to pig out, oh I freakin’ go all out.

I don’t know about you but it looks muy delicioso to me. Just look at that baby. You got mouthwatering strips of bacon, Pepper Jack cheese, Swiss cheese, Colonel’s Sauce and two original recipe chicken fillets to seal the cholesterol-laden deal.



The question now is: Will they come in extra crispy?

[Image taken from http://www.foodgeekery.com/reviews/double-down-with-kfc/]