Wednesday, January 27, 2010

WoW Mag is Not a Rag

It took them nearly three expansions, but yes porkers, Blizzard has learned enough publishing skill points to craft the first official WoW magazine. And surprise surprise, the launch issue seems like an ilvl 500 collectible.

I've read through the articles, and IMO the subscription price is well worth it if all the quarterly issues are this good! But if you're on a budget and plan to grab some WoW Gold instead, then practice those emotes and /beg for the advance copy of an understanding guildie.

This cover image alone of an injured Arthas during the final face-off at the Frozen Throne is priceless. I'd even hang it up my bedroom wall should I ever snag one of those elusive belfs. It's all the more sweeter in my head imagining the vengeful Sylvanas slinging those painful crit-hits.

The new mag contains all sorts of win content, and for all types of players, too. Casuals get to gush over the pet collection trend (pages 8-13 in the preview), while hardcore raiders will reserve the spoilerish Siege of Icecrown Citadel feature (pages 14-21) for bedside reading after the last encounter of WotLK.

I'm also drooling over the Cataclysm tidbits. Faithful readers know I'm pretty sick of battling through snow and undeath, so looking over new Worgen art is bringing back some of that excitement.

Warning Labels

The last few weeks may be taking its toll on me. It's been nothing but bacon binges (it's mandatory here at and clearing the rest of ICC like the Plagueworks and the Crimson Hall. It's quite an unhealthy combination, especially on the raiding side. I even thought up some warning labels that should come with every progression guild invite:

"Healing is dangerous to your hairline."
"Tanking is the leading cause of headaches."
"(Aggroing) DPS kills (appetites)."


The only thing keeping me sane these days is the spine-shivering soundtrack "Invincible" that will be played at some point in the Arthas encounter. It's my current Zen music, see if it works for you as well, porkers:

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Warcrack Woes

We all know what happens if you lose yourself too much in the game. And while addiction is no laughing matter, it can get entertaining when someone takes the right approach to poke fun at it.

Someone made a parody called “In The Game” and I just thought I’d share. Dude sure has a lot of time in his hands, aside from always sittin’, typin’, talkin’ ‘bout levelin’/in dungeons and battlegrounds/ gankin’, farmin’, nerfin’ and revelin’…Oh, just watch and see for yourselves!

Hilarious parody IS hilarious. His whole family even got in on the action! Man, that rappin’ kid’s epic.

Now I know y’all pigs are smart but here’s a reminder for ya just in case: There is a whole ‘nother world besides Azeroth. Getting high on Warcrack isn’t cool, bro.

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Saturday, January 23, 2010

Bite Me, Twilight

Yeah bite me, bite me
I'm a crimson apple
Crunchy, tasty
Why don't we go dabble?
Right there, porkers, might just be the next hit single from Lady Gaga. Strange things happen while reading boss tactics, and this gem of a chorus popped in my head while studying the Crimson Hall run against the vampiric San'layn.

There I was minding my own business in windowed Lagaran mode when guild chat discusses the Vampiric Bite ability of Blood Queen Lana'thel and how sweet it would be to watch an all-girl belf guild wipe after sucking each other's necks dry.

Raid Party Sampler. You'll go mad with one taste from her.

For those too busy to Wiki, Vampiric Bite gives a damage buff to a victim and requires him or her to bite another toon every minute or else succumb to an Uncontrollable Frenzy. I added the obvious that our top DPS should seek out the dangerous buff since they'd maximize its use, especially when  most accounts say the fight has a sadistic enrage timer for DPS to beat.

Though, all this planning assumed we can get past the Blood Prince Council:

Return of the Fallen. Undead belfs Keleseth, Valanar and Taldaram will deliver pain with their balls (yeah, just watch the vids).

Now these three could stay dead for all I care, but Arthas likes his undead toys (see: Sylvanas), so whatever. It just bothers me that these belfs have somehow brought out the Twilight fanatics from their cuckoo's nest, calling WoW a douche for riding on the coattails of their beloved vampire franchise.

Hate to break it you girls, but there's just so much double standard surrounding that Edward dude. He's dreamy despite the eyebags, bedhead and basement skin? But avoid us like the plague after an expansion release all-nighter (so we missed one bath)? C'mon, that's just plain cruel.

Ah, Cataclsym, you can't come soon enough. Earthquakes and island life will be such a welcome break from the emo atmosphere in Northrend. Speaking of the cold, anyone else less excited for the Frostwing Halls against Valithria Dreamwalker and Sindragosa?

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

With WoW, It’s All About Priorities

So claims a Cracked article.

In keeping up with my online multi-tasking habits which include checking out the upgraded WoW Armory, stocking up on gold, munching on my homemade, fresh out of the microwave bacon caramel corn ( holy moly, it’s addictive!), facebook-stalking getting to know my current prospect, I was led to a post entitled “Anatomy of a Failed World of Warcraft Raid”.

Here’s how they broke it down (click to view). Prepare for the LOLs!

I especially like the line in the ending that goes, “Constantly remind your guild members to think hard about what’s really important in life. It’s easy to forget.”

Damn straight, dude!

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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Wanted: Housing for Hunted Hogs

My bacon-fattened heart took quite a beating when Blizzard tweeted its dim prospects for guild housing in the upcoming Cataclysm expansion and beyond:
Player: Do you still have plans to implement guild housing?
Blizzard: Guild housing isn't a priority. Aside from the huge development involved it gets people out of cities and into these private areas other players can't see. We like cities to feel populated. But I'm not sure anyone expected WoW to be going as strong as it is after five years, so who knows in the future.
This morsel of news saddened me since I've always wanted to create a guild called Safehouse SLOP aka "Safehouse for the Scavenging, Loitering and Overhunted Piggies of Azeroth".

It's a craptastic name I know, but it sums up the main objective: Save the piggies, save the world!

Before the Final Blow. Ever wondered the cruelty of cleaving for porkchops?

While other guilds obsess about world first kills or topping arena seasons, Safehouse SLOP will save our boar brethren from being slaughtered for cheap WoW Gold rewards. Alliance human toons in Elwynn Forest and Redridge Mountains should remember gutting poor Princess and Bellygrub for (gasp) eating farmer crops? Their swine appetite must be evil!

Orcs and trolls starting out in the Barrens, meanwhile, gank the pen-kept pigs like a bunch of squealing target dummies.

But with guild housing in the outskirts of capital cities, Safehouse SLOP can establish an HQ for fund raising and propaganda. My buddies say it's stupid to save virtual boars who respawn anyway after a couple of minutes. I point out though: If there's a movement to save ugly murlocs, surely the pigs deserve some love too.

Extinction Escape? There's no contest who should receive a stay of execution.

WoW may not be convinced that guild housing can serve as a nice counterbalance--and sanity break--to raiding. But I think of the possibilities: private dancing parties, guild "drama" retreats, and wild belf sorority sleepovers... or cheerleading practice (slightly NSFW).

I secretly wish for Aion and Final Fantasy XIV to come out with kick-ass player housing to keep Blizzard on its toes. If I've learned anything playing WoW, it's that players get what they want when there's massive QQing that another game has this or that feature. Surely, angels and elves basking in their own bungalows would bring out the nerdrage soon enough. :P

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Monday, January 18, 2010

Another Proof Bacon Rules

And this time, it’s scientific!

Bacon, along with trusty sidekick eggs, does the mind good.

I said bacon AND eggs. DNW bastard offspring.

This traditional breakfast delight isn’t normally at the top of anyone’s healthy food choices list, what with its mouthwatering, euphoria-inducing artery-clogging goodness.

But leave it to them scientists to challenge public perception. Based on their studies, consuming a plateful of bacon and eggs could help boost intelligence…of a pregnant woman’s unborn child.

Apparently, there’s this micronutrient called choline found in these foods that is uhh, supposed to aid in developing memory and recall regions of the brain or something like that. Again, applies to fetuses (feti?) only.

Hey, give it time, and maybe in a few years from now results will show that a daily serving of the classic combo will advance brain activity levels of those from the twenty-something and up set.

Well, there you have it, straight from the pig’s mouth. Breastmilk Bacon is best for babies up to 2 years old still chillin’ in Momma’s womb.

Heck, it’s best for anyone at any age. Err, ok maybe not but c’mon, live a little!

[Images taken from:,]

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Epic First Date Of The Year

2010’s been pretty kind to me, bro. If you can recall in my very first WoW Gold Pig post, I have mentioned my self-imposed break in the dating department.

But since it’s the start of a new year and a new decade, it’s time The Bradster got his mojo back. Guess who just got home from an epic first date with a smokin’ college senior? Hale yes, dude.

In the words of Cameron James from 10 Things I Hate About You (man, that movie’s a classic), “And I’m back in the game!”

So we met up in the mall earlier today and watched Avatar, what else. Paid for everything―tickets, popcorn, candy and drinks. It’s actually my second time seeing the movie but I didn’t mind. Worth paying twice for the best movie of 2009 and presumably, 2010.

Here, a look behind the scenes:

When the trailer first came out, I did have my reservations.

While I didn’t go as far as saying it’s some dumb, overrated CGI crapfest like some people, I thought it wouldn’t live up to the hype. Yes, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I’m referring to you.

The 300-million dollar James Cameron motion capture film, however, has been steadily holding on to the top spot for 4 weeks now and has earned over $1 BILLION worldwide. It’s currently just behind Titanic, another James Cameron masterpiece, in the all-time box office champs category. JFC, he’s competing with himself for the top spot. Now that’s just badass.

Kinda like how my date went. I know, not the best word to use but what I meant to say is that it was way more awesome than I expected a first date to be.

One little setback though is that she isn’t as enthusiastic as I am about gaming. So what if she’s never played nor ever heard of World of Warcraft? Or that she initially thought MMO was a derivative of IMO (which IMHO, is actually quite endearing)?

Really, so what? I mean, I could convert her. Not easily, as seems to be the case, but maybe after the second or third date I could get her to play with my toon and do small stuff like picking herbs first or something.

But this can only be done if she says yes to my invitation of spending more quality time over at my pad. And if my boys say yes to moving raid night to Sunday instead.

Hard, but not impossible.

Hope 2010's good to you too piggies!

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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Is It Stanky In Here Or What?

Last week, Blizzard opened the new Plagueworks section of the Icecrown Citadel and boy are the new bosses nasty. The foul trio of Festergut, Rotface and Professor Putricide attack the olfactory with BO-based bombs that have left raids retching, if not wiping, altogether.

The Festergut fight even brought back memories of high school when I sat behind the class slob and his gassy stomach. The horror, oh the horror…

Rotface, meanwhile, is a lesson in proper hygiene. Dump the smaller slimes into one big pile so there’s space for movement. Sounds familiar? That’s because if you replace “slimes” with “clothes”, this is the same housekeeping rule all gamer moms want their children to learn, including me.

(I’ll clean up when you visit, mom, I swear on my WoW Gold!)

And don't get me started on Professor Putricide. Slime, gas, and abominations everywhere!


All the pre-raid talk on odor abilities led our group to a hilarious debate on which of the race-class combo can tank Plagueworks the longest without fainting.

My hombres get into this role-playing vibe sometimes (as seen in our latest Winter Veil exploits), so it wasn’t surprising we ended up taking sides between an undead warrior and a gnome death knight for best Plagueworks tank.

Some argued that an undead warrior grew up to the smell of graveyards and wears rotting flesh cologne, so the noxious gases should pose no threat. His emergency abilities of Shockwave and Whirlwind also give some breathing space when things literally get too stuffy.

For a gnome death knight, the approach is a little different: smell avoidance. As one friend put it, “During a fire the smoke rises but oxygen stays at the bottom of the room. So a gnome death knight can easily sniff the fresh air below!” Death knights will likely have improved resilience against nasty spells as well because of similar runic abilities like Plague Strike and Pestilence.

The debate raged for a good half hour or so. But I decided to make things a little wackier. “What about a Pig paladin?”

Tank, Pig, Tank!

A Pig paladin would have the quintessential Bubble-cum-oxygen tank and Purify spell for cleansing diseases. The enlarged snout racial passive also gives bonus resistance against strangulation effects.

Move over Belfs! There's so much of these wispy-haired paladins running around. Time to consecrate some Pigs into the order, I say.

Most of the group agreed that a Pig paladin might just beat out the other two contenders, with the proper spec and gear. But most already had enough in their hands reconciling how cows can become paladins when Cataclysm hits this year, so a pig paladin tank might be plausible only in WoW 2.0 (along with the Pandas and Nagas).

So how have you been preparing for Plagueworks, porkers? Searching through giant poop in Azshara and Hellfire Peninsula to psyche yourself up? Or have you been practicing the inoculation dance? Drop your two Golds in the matter. :D

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Friday, January 8, 2010

Getting The Hollywood Treatment

Sometimes, I wish I were cute and cuddly. Hey, a man’s gotta come clean.

At this particular time when the temperature drops to negative God-knows-what and the outdoors transforms to effin Dun Morogh, sometimes means now. And right now, all I want is to be a fun-sized pork chop.

Like this one―last photographed wrapped in a pink furry blanket and being held seductively by Paris Hilton.

This isn’t right bro. How come Miss Piglette gets to be all cozy with the socialite heiress and not me? We love us some good ole canoodlin’ too!

Now don’t let their size fool ya. These micro-pigs are making it big in the hills. Victoria Beckham and that carrottop kid from Harry Potter were reportedly two of the first celebrities who snagged these mini-pets.

They’re clean, friendly, compact, smart, adorable…see? No catch. OH WAIT. Brb, I need to double check something…

*googles furiously*

£700. That’s how much each miniature porker costs (roughly around a shitload of dollars. Do the math). WTF dude. No hard feelings though. Us here at WoW Gold Pig salute you, Micros Pigus, for upping the pig’s status and representing us well. Umm, sort of.

On a side note…As far as non-combat pets go, I think these itsy-bitsy little bacon buddies have what it takes to be a hit. That said, Blizzard should take a cue from Hollywood and start breedin’ these babies.

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Monday, January 4, 2010

Love Babes and The Hangover Dilemma

What do you get when you mix Booty, booze, babes and a whole lot of bang?

The best New Year's shindig this side of the Eastern Kingdoms, no doubt.

I visited Old World Azeroth several days ago to count down the minutes to 2010, and Booty Bay seemed like ground zero after a frat house soiree. The goblin bruiser guards were face smashed and dinged with zzz's--even while fireworks were blowing up the skies of Stranglethorn Vale.

Down for the Countdown. Will they wake up in time for their kin's Cataclysm debut? [Hat tip]

After watching the pyrotechnics show and making explosions of our own (care of an Engineer pal who busted open his stocks of green fireworks), we hearthed back to Stormwind for a celebratory toast.

Blizzard was kind enough to send giant barrels of fine bubbly, complete with festive mugs to down the spirits with. The posse decided to hang out at the trade district for awhile. The RL stories of eating and boozing in the main channel were too good to pass up--from leftover eggnog shots to Johnnie W's on the rocks. (Psst, the Pig still says to drink responsibly and never to drive drunk IRL, okay?)

From Stormwind we raced to Ironforge on foot via the Deeprun Tram tunnels. Now that was fun, noticing the underground aquarium for the first time! We then settled in Stonefire Tavern for a private afterparty (Tauren bouncer included, shockers!) to sample the fine liquor its barmaid had to offer.

The Brewer of Our Discontent. Barmaid Gwenna Firebrew serves better buzz than a sap-happy rouge. [Hat tip]

A jug of bourbon. A flagon of mead. A flask of port. A bottle of Pinot Noir. All that good stuff sent us straight to fuzzy screen land.

Someone suggested we then walk the bridge ledges connecting the Commons to the Auction House. Fall down and you'll pony up the next round of drinks--roughly 5 gold. I forget who lost or how long we spent there, only that we ended up /love-ing each other and the winter boars outside Ironforge.

Yes, we've locked the screenshots away and fed the key to Hogger. We decided against deleting, though, because of a possible The Hangover dilemma.

And the babes, you ask? Well the snouted kind seemed more willing to hang with us. The nubile belf-y kind were either aggroing or running in the other direction. Pfft, so what else is new.

Had crazy fun as well this New Year, porkers? Tell us what happened and welcome back to sanity!

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