It's That Time of the Year Again

I’m through with WoW. What's the point when you win Wintergrasp all day? So I’m looking for a suitable heir willing to take all the Gold in my account—all 215,000 of it!

In today’s economy, that amount of Gold can buy at least 20 pieces of epic crafted ilvl 264 gear. It can even push a main and an alt to ICC-readiness.

But I don't believe in hand-outs, dudes, so those who want a crack at my Gold will have to work very hard for it. And I’m not just talking about Halls of Reflection heroic hard. I’m talking “take down that frakkin’ Kraken with your bare teeth” hard. (Been watching too much Clash of the Titans trailers for sure).

Just complete the three tasks below to get the sweet sweet bacon. But before I describe each, lemme lay out some ground rules.

Ground rules
1. Get a screen shot when each task is done to the detail.
2. Don’t even think about using Photoshop because we have a bull detector.
3. Post all three screenshots at the comments section of this post.
4. Deadline is one week from the date of this posting.
5. You have to receive all 215,000 Gold in one account or we send the prize to the next eligible winner.

OK, now onto the real heroics:

Task 1: Fly Invincible 40 yards above the tallest building of any faction capital.
It might be hard to get Arthas’ whipping horse, but then again don't you have extra help already with ICC buffs now raised to 10%.

A certain Paragon over the Atlantic has been parading Invincible in Orgrimmar, so it’s not THAT impossible.

Task 2: Smashin' poledancin'
So you’ve managed to tame one of the most elite mounts in game. That’s some skill you have there. Now this second task will test your dexterity and anatomy knowledge.

While completely smashed, stand on a lamppost and /dance. Sounds easy enough right? Well it gets trickier since you must capture a particular pose close to my heart—I won’t spoil the race that does it since it’s easy enough to make a level 1 alt on both sides—but here's the money shot I'm looking for:

Task 3: Smokey Battleground Shout Outs
You've proven yourself a fine raider and tasteful photographer, what can I say, so you’re 2/3 of the way to being worthy of my Gold. But here’s the toughest challenge yet--and I drew this up from my love of Arathi Basin.

Get some white smoke flares and create an overhead message at the Blacksmith node that says: “The PIG pawns at battlegrounds." Spell the message out in capital letters and /say "oink" at the middle. Here's a simple example:

You need a lot of WoW skills to pull off this third task. Master the art of making friends so they can help lay out the flares and clear out the opposing trash who want to ruin your shot. You'll also have to level up engineering to produce tons of flares or play the auction house to get 'em cheap.

So there you have it. Three tasks for 215,000 Gold. Not bad at all if you need a nest egg for Cataclysm. Just don't be a fool--ask for advice in trade.

Tick, tock, do you know what date it is? Send those screenies fast! ;D

WoW Mag is Not a Rag

It took them nearly three expansions, but yes porkers, Blizzard has learned enough publishing skill points to craft the first official WoW magazine. And surprise surprise, the launch issue seems like an ilvl 500 collectible.

I've read through the articles, and IMO the subscription price is well worth it if all the quarterly issues are this good! But if you're on a budget and plan to grab some WoW Gold instead, then practice those emotes and /beg for the advance copy of an understanding guildie.

This cover image alone of an injured Arthas during the final face-off at the Frozen Throne is priceless. I'd even hang it up my bedroom wall should I ever snag one of those elusive belfs. It's all the more sweeter in my head imagining the vengeful Sylvanas slinging those painful crit-hits.

The new mag contains all sorts of win content, and for all types of players, too. Casuals get to gush over the pet collection trend (pages 8-13 in the preview), while hardcore raiders will reserve the spoilerish Siege of Icecrown Citadel feature (pages 14-21) for bedside reading after the last encounter of WotLK.

I'm also drooling over the Cataclysm tidbits. Faithful readers know I'm pretty sick of battling through snow and undeath, so looking over new Worgen art is bringing back some of that excitement.

Warning Labels

The last few weeks may be taking its toll on me. It's been nothing but bacon binges (it's mandatory here at WoWGoldPig.com) and clearing the rest of ICC like the Plagueworks and the Crimson Hall. It's quite an unhealthy combination, especially on the raiding side. I even thought up some warning labels that should come with every progression guild invite:

"Healing is dangerous to your hairline."
"Tanking is the leading cause of headaches."
"(Aggroing) DPS kills (appetites)."

Invincible

The only thing keeping me sane these days is the spine-shivering soundtrack "Invincible" that will be played at some point in the Arthas encounter. It's my current Zen music, see if it works for you as well, porkers:

Is It Stanky In Here Or What?

Last week, Blizzard opened the new Plagueworks section of the Icecrown Citadel and boy are the new bosses nasty. The foul trio of Festergut, Rotface and Professor Putricide attack the olfactory with BO-based bombs that have left raids retching, if not wiping, altogether.

The Festergut fight even brought back memories of high school when I sat behind the class slob and his gassy stomach. The horror, oh the horror…

Rotface, meanwhile, is a lesson in proper hygiene. Dump the smaller slimes into one big pile so there’s space for movement. Sounds familiar? That’s because if you replace “slimes” with “clothes”, this is the same housekeeping rule all gamer moms want their children to learn, including me.

(I’ll clean up when you visit, mom, I swear on my WoW Gold!)

And don't get me started on Professor Putricide. Slime, gas, and abominations everywhere!

Nose-off

All the pre-raid talk on odor abilities led our group to a hilarious debate on which of the race-class combo can tank Plagueworks the longest without fainting.

My hombres get into this role-playing vibe sometimes (as seen in our latest Winter Veil exploits), so it wasn’t surprising we ended up taking sides between an undead warrior and a gnome death knight for best Plagueworks tank.

Some argued that an undead warrior grew up to the smell of graveyards and wears rotting flesh cologne, so the noxious gases should pose no threat. His emergency abilities of Shockwave and Whirlwind also give some breathing space when things literally get too stuffy.

For a gnome death knight, the approach is a little different: smell avoidance. As one friend put it, “During a fire the smoke rises but oxygen stays at the bottom of the room. So a gnome death knight can easily sniff the fresh air below!” Death knights will likely have improved resilience against nasty spells as well because of similar runic abilities like Plague Strike and Pestilence.

The debate raged for a good half hour or so. But I decided to make things a little wackier. “What about a Pig paladin?”

Tank, Pig, Tank!

A Pig paladin would have the quintessential Bubble-cum-oxygen tank and Purify spell for cleansing diseases. The enlarged snout racial passive also gives bonus resistance against strangulation effects.

Move over Belfs! There's so much of these wispy-haired paladins running around. Time to consecrate some Pigs into the order, I say.

Most of the group agreed that a Pig paladin might just beat out the other two contenders, with the proper spec and gear. But most already had enough in their hands reconciling how cows can become paladins when Cataclysm hits this year, so a pig paladin tank might be plausible only in WoW 2.0 (along with the Pandas and Nagas).

So how have you been preparing for Plagueworks, porkers? Searching through giant poop in Azshara and Hellfire Peninsula to psyche yourself up? Or have you been practicing the inoculation dance? Drop your two Golds in the matter. :D