Who Moved My Bacon? Class Changes Through Rose-Colored Goggles

Ah class changes. Every Porker worth his level 80 main feels a twinge of dread when Ghostcrawler and his blue posse begins announcing the "exciting improvements" for our beloved classes.

Change is scary for good reason--there will always be relative nerfs. We're all competing for raid spots or battleground honor kills so even though each class gets shiny new abilities, there will always be the stinky spec. And everyone's afraid it'll be their turn to scrape the bottom of the performance barrel.

But here at the Pig HQ we don't like to get our blood pressure too high by worrying or whining. We faced the class changes instead with a FTW attitude. Call us brainwashed by those zen-like mice but here's our take on why each class will rock our socks off come Cataclysm.

Death Knight
Necrotic Strike returns from the depths of the PTR to strike fear in the hearts of all healers. I also expect death knights to shed their reputation as mindless battleground newbs with the new baseline spell Dark Simulacrum. The spell will force all death knights to study the abilities of other classes--a learned advantage l33ts take pride of.

Druid
I lament the death of the perma-tree form, but at least druid tanks will now break free from their Swipe spam stupor. Stampeding Roar is also one of the most OP abilities I can think of for Warsong Gulch so expect druid-centric pre-mades camping that particular battleground.

Hunter
Now this class will become the adventurer-of-all-trades. Their new active pet switching system is so efficient for leveling, and will make them ultra viable for any raid composition. The switch to energy also looks promising because of giveback abilities that refresh the resource on hit (i.e. no more mana burn deaths).

Mage
The closest thing to a PvP God class. As if their frost spec didn't rule enough in battlegrounds, Blizz added the damned if you cross, damned if you don't Wall of Fog. The old school nod to Diablo 2 with the flame version of the Frozen Orb also puts the Mage class on top of my must-have alts in Cataclysm.

Shaman
Healing Rain and Spiritwalker's Grace more than make up for the loss of the iconic Cleansing Totem in line with the dispel mechanics changes. The resto shaman mastery is also one of the more powerful among healing specs due to higher health pools in Cataclysm and hints from Blizzard that raid encounters will require careful triage.

Paladin
Awesome screenshots with our new level 85 guardian angels! LOL. But seriously, these cooldown "pets" should give paladins another layer of survivability. Ret, the maligned child of yester expansions, also seems to be getting some dev love with the Crusader Strike change. And a new disruption tool via Blinding Shield is wicked good for all three paladin specs.

Priest
Come over here! Priests take a cue from Scorpion with their max level Leap of Faith that pulls allies from the pummeling of their lives (or that easily avoidable fire). The Discipline spec also ramps up its shielding arsenal with Power Shield: Barrier. Just hearing that word is ownage, coming from the tradition of Final Fantasy where barriers are the sickest prevention spells around. Something tells me PS: Barrier will live up to its name.

Rogue
Rogues will no longer reap the hate of all classes. In fact, I expect them to be the best friends of the plate melee classes due to their handy Smoke Bomb. Heck, they'll make HoR a piece of cake (Yeah, yeah we'll overgear that dungeon by that time but you get my point). Discarding the dagger-only skills also broadens the rogue weapon choice exponentially. Double-claw assassins here I come!

Warlock
24 additional slot bags and a chance to blow up that mage within three Soulshard uses. Warlocks are now toting some heavy guns if their DoTs aren't up for the job. The Demon Soul transformation is also the stuff gamer's dreams are made of - becoming one with a Succubus... yum...

Warrior
The next expansion brings an ultra macho move to the Warriors with a stun-causing Heroic Leap. The promise of reduced rage costs across the board also bodes well against rage starvation that happens more often than it should. A couple of bleed and passive damage talents round out the changes.

Phew, that took the wind out of me. In fact I'm getting dizzy wearing these rose-colored goggles while reading walls of blue text. So before I lose strength and go into /grumpy mode like a starved QQer, I'm heading to Taco Bell for some grub. Adios amigos!

The Tank Twilight Zone

Somewhere, in an Azjol-Nerub instance, a paladin tank and a death knight tank both zoned in for a 5-man heroic. The healer and two DPS scratched their heads and wondered if they were still in Northrend or in a Tank Twilight Zone.

Who has the bigger e-p33n? [source]

"These spiders don't stand a chance against my holy Consecration, so I should be the tank," said the pally, throwing his Captain America shield at the first group of mobs.

"Pfft. Dude that's weak. Taste my jumongous Death and Decay!" countered the death knight as he gripped a spider, Scorpion-style.

Minutes later, in the fastest run they ever saw, the group stood over the corpse of Anub'arak. The rest of the group said thank you but the two tanks were still yammering in group chat.

"Geez, why'd you taunt the bat away from the healer, I totally had him!" said the death knight.

"LOLZ. Let's talk about fairness when you lose that ghoul army of yours. You don't see me calling the rest of the Argent Crusade as back up," countered the paladin.

***

You porkers know the drill. Put two tanks together and they can't help but argue who's the best at AoE tanking, single-target tanking, effective health, moving threat generation, etc.

For those hoping these pissing contests will end by Cataclysm--better luck next expansion. Seems Blizzard wants to keep the tank trash talk alive if only to keep them all raid viable.

"... [W]e don't think well-defined tank niches are very good for the game. We've even backed off of well-defined healing niches and we'll continue to do so even more in Cataclysm," according to a blue post from Ghostcrawler.

Ghostcrawler explained that tank specialization can pigeonhole each class into certain types of dungeons. Imagine as a pally tank to only be wanted for Culling of Stratholme --won't that be a bummer?
Instead, Blizzard seems to be focusing on differentiating each tank on their talents and abilities. This can be seen in the new thread from Blizzard poster Nethaera, which asks for feedback on how tanking cooldowns can be made "fun and useful" for Cataclysm.

Tank forums are getting hot and juicy. [source]

The topic is hotter than sizzling bacon (22 forum pages in just three days!) so better put your two WoW Gold into the discussion. Just avoid the QQ--Blizz thinks that's the ultimate buzzkill.

What Cataclysm Means for Three Little Pigs

Hey porkers! How’s it hanging?

Here at The Pig, we’ve been super pumped by all the juicy bits Blizzard shared on the Cataclysm expansion in its latest developer Twitter chat.

Class balances, graphics updates and gear mechanics were all discussed. But one thing we noticed was how owning tons of Gold can make Cataclysm a bit more bearable. Below are must-buy conveniences for three types of porkers:

Battlegrounds Rations (For PvP Boars)
Brush off those flag capping and tower defending skills! You’ll need it when the new Battle for Gilneas City battleground opens. While exact mechanics are still up in the air, it’s known that the Alliance and Horde will fight over the districts of Gilneas City.

Cataclysm also ushers in rated battlegrounds, which will up the ante for cross-server teamwork. Last longer with the aid of flasks and other food buffs. Potions also cost WoW Gold a pop, but timed well it can save you a trip from the graveyard.

Splurge on these consumables because random battlegrounds will also yield arena points soon. You mean we’ll get the latest Gladiator armor set through battlegrounds? Heck yeah!

Bigger Bags (For Loot Hogs)
While PvP boars get their snouts dirty in the battlegrounds, loot hogs will head to the World’s End Tavern to buy bigger all-purpose bags from socialite Haris Pilton.

Blizzard did not specify though whether the new bags will have 26 slots or more. The 24-slot Portable Hole is the biggest all-purpose bag in game today and costs 3,000 WoW Gold each. If you’re a rabid loot pig like the peeps in Hoarders, then better stock up on WoW Gold now to cover the high cost.

Extra bag space is king and stores more epic gear, holiday items and even flirty letters from hot draenei chicks. Especially the flirty letters. Gotta keep those no matter what!

Submarine Trips (For Casual Hams)
This one’s for the casual hams who like to ride the Ironforge tram for its undersea view.

Blizzard announced that gnomes and goblins have built submarines the size of the Icecrown gunships, which will transport players to submerged regions accessible in Cataclysm.

We think there will be a cool viewing deck to observe the aquatic life below the Great Sea. So if you’re the type who likes to take screenshots or footage for Youtube vids, then better stock up on WoW Gold now. That way, you can pay for countless fare rides back and forth the cool submarines and even buy special gear that match the underwater background.

So go farm saronite, play the auction house or get a little help from us. All that matters is you have enough coin to spend come Cataclysm.

Burning Rubber for the Old Timers

Whenever I ride through the old world towns in my Mekgineer’s Chopper, lowbies always ask me: "Is that sweet ride worth it?"

Yes, it cost me an insane amount of WoW Gold. and buying it devastated my bank alt ("What about the children?!"). But the Chopper is, hands down, the coolest mount in the game. Far cooler than the Big Love rocket no doubt. It's the e-p33n equivalent of a Harley Davidson with a crap ton of in-game use.

Take the ongoing Lunar Festival, for example. I can’t imagine completing the meta achievement To Honor One’s Elders without my Mek-daddy. Nothing beats warming up that motor, inviting a buddy along, and just visiting those elders as fast as possible.

My buddy who tagged along also had a dual screen PC so he googled the most efficient travel routes for us. The passenger seat of the Chopper also made sure I had fun company on the road. Prepare for a snooze-fest if you plan on visiting the 70+ elders alone.

It's also useful to have a pal around when raiding the Horde capitals for their elders. His dwarf pally stirred up some trouble in Orgrimmar until every trigger happy mage blasted him with a fireball.  Meanwhile, I sneaked off to talk to Elder Darkhorn before happily switching roles as a Horde training dummy.

With my trusty Chopper, we collected all the Coins of Ancestry in a day, and one step closer to the mother of all rides: the Violet Proto-Drake. 310% flying speed will be golden when Cataclysm arrives complete with the new zones like Grim Batol near Uldaman.

If you've never been to Grim Batol, porkers, take the Chopper for a spin there after finishing the holiday achievement. The dragons are hiding something big behind those doors so try getting a peek inside--Elune knows I've tried!

Fishing it Forward

Getting free stuff in WoW is pretty neat at the off chance it happens. Like when a warrior decked out in Relentless Gladiators handed my lowbie alt a green upgrade. It was unexpected but appreciated nonetheless since it saved me an auction search or quest run, at the very least.

I see the same level of kindness whenever fish feasts are laid out before me when running PuGs. These marine luaus aren’t cheap in terms of WoW Gold, so it pleases me when a stranger is kind enough to spoil me like a lil piggy. (Well, yeah, a part of me wishes a bacon and eggs buffet was available instead).

Yes, even that huntard deserves it. [Pic Source]

When I asked a draenei priest who gave out one without any prodding said she wanted runs to be more pleasant, and told me to try it sometime when I can.

See, aside from giving great buffs, fish feasts also lighten the mood of a PuG run—even when it goes real bad. Just the other day, on normal Utgarde Pinnacle, the group wiped on a trash mob pull. Blames ensued and names called that no mother will ever want to hear, so I thought of laying out the fish feast.

It worked like a charm. Suddenly, the smug rogue was giving tips to the inexperienced death knight, and the tank and healer have stopped taking potshots at each other. When we cleared the dungeon without wiping again, I officially became an advocate of fishing it forward. Call me crazy, but with how some PuGs are acting these days, Blizzard could use a community goodwill trainer in the spitting image of Trevor McKinney played by Haley Joel Osment in the classic movie Pay it Forward.


So if you find yourself flying around Dalaran with nothing better to do, go level up that fishing skill. Then head to Wintergrasp to fish for the mats or just buy wholesale at the AH when prices are low and you have all the WoW Gold to spare.

I promise you’ll get the same fuzzy feeling I get, as if I’m making WoW a better place one plate of fish at a time. Well until Cataclysm arrives and both factions get to slit each other's throats like never before again... *looks at Garrosh and shakes head in disdain*

Bite Me, Twilight

Yeah bite me, bite me

I'm a crimson apple

Crunchy, tasty

Why don't we go dabble?

Right there, porkers, might just be the next hit single from Lady Gaga. Strange things happen while reading boss tactics, and this gem of a chorus popped in my head while studying the Crimson Hall run against the vampiric San'layn.

There I was minding my own business in windowed Lagaran mode when guild chat discusses the Vampiric Bite ability of Blood Queen Lana'thel and how sweet it would be to watch an all-girl belf guild wipe after sucking each other's necks dry.

Raid Party Sampler. You'll go mad with one taste from her.

For those too busy to Wiki, Vampiric Bite gives a damage buff to a victim and requires him or her to bite another toon every minute or else succumb to an Uncontrollable Frenzy. I added the obvious that our top DPS should seek out the dangerous buff since they'd maximize its use, especially when  most accounts say the fight has a sadistic enrage timer for DPS to beat.

Though, all this planning assumed we can get past the Blood Prince Council:

Return of the Fallen. Undead belfs Keleseth, Valanar and Taldaram will deliver pain with their balls (yeah, just watch the vids).

Now these three could stay dead for all I care, but Arthas likes his undead toys (see: Sylvanas), so whatever. It just bothers me that these belfs have somehow brought out the Twilight fanatics from their cuckoo's nest, calling WoW a douche for riding on the coattails of their beloved vampire franchise.

Hate to break it you girls, but there's just so much double standard surrounding that Edward dude. He's dreamy despite the eyebags, bedhead and basement skin? But avoid us like the plague after an expansion release all-nighter (so we missed one bath)? C'mon, that's just plain cruel.

Ah, Cataclsym, you can't come soon enough. Earthquakes and island life will be such a welcome break from the emo atmosphere in Northrend. Speaking of the cold, anyone else less excited for the Frostwing Halls against Valithria Dreamwalker and Sindragosa?

Wanted: Housing for Hunted Hogs

My bacon-fattened heart took quite a beating when Blizzard tweeted its dim prospects for guild housing in the upcoming Cataclysm expansion and beyond:

Player: Do you still have plans to implement guild housing?
Blizzard: Guild housing isn't a priority. Aside from the huge development involved it gets people out of cities and into these private areas other players can't see. We like cities to feel populated. But I'm not sure anyone expected WoW to be going as strong as it is after five years, so who knows in the future.

This morsel of news saddened me since I've always wanted to create a guild called Safehouse SLOP aka "Safehouse for the Scavenging, Loitering and Overhunted Piggies of Azeroth".

It's a craptastic name I know, but it sums up the main objective: Save the piggies, save the world!

Before the Final Blow. Ever wondered the cruelty of cleaving for porkchops?

While other guilds obsess about world first kills or topping arena seasons, Safehouse SLOP will save our boar brethren from being slaughtered for cheap WoW Gold rewards. Alliance human toons in Elwynn Forest and Redridge Mountains should remember gutting poor Princess and Bellygrub for (gasp) eating farmer crops? Their swine appetite must be evil!

Orcs and trolls starting out in the Barrens, meanwhile, gank the pen-kept pigs like a bunch of squealing target dummies.

But with guild housing in the outskirts of capital cities, Safehouse SLOP can establish an HQ for fund raising and propaganda. My buddies say it's stupid to save virtual boars who respawn anyway after a couple of minutes. I point out though: If there's a movement to save ugly murlocs, surely the pigs deserve some love too.

Extinction Escape? There's no contest who should receive a stay of execution.

WoW may not be convinced that guild housing can serve as a nice counterbalance--and sanity break--to raiding. But I think of the possibilities: private dancing parties, guild "drama" retreats, and wild belf sorority sleepovers... or cheerleading practice (slightly NSFW).

I secretly wish for Aion and Final Fantasy XIV to come out with kick-ass player housing to keep Blizzard on its toes. If I've learned anything playing WoW, it's that players get what they want when there's massive QQing that another game has this or that feature. Surely, angels and elves basking in their own bungalows would bring out the nerdrage soon enough. :P

Is It Stanky In Here Or What?

Last week, Blizzard opened the new Plagueworks section of the Icecrown Citadel and boy are the new bosses nasty. The foul trio of Festergut, Rotface and Professor Putricide attack the olfactory with BO-based bombs that have left raids retching, if not wiping, altogether.

The Festergut fight even brought back memories of high school when I sat behind the class slob and his gassy stomach. The horror, oh the horror…

Rotface, meanwhile, is a lesson in proper hygiene. Dump the smaller slimes into one big pile so there’s space for movement. Sounds familiar? That’s because if you replace “slimes” with “clothes”, this is the same housekeeping rule all gamer moms want their children to learn, including me.

(I’ll clean up when you visit, mom, I swear on my WoW Gold!)

And don't get me started on Professor Putricide. Slime, gas, and abominations everywhere!

Nose-off

All the pre-raid talk on odor abilities led our group to a hilarious debate on which of the race-class combo can tank Plagueworks the longest without fainting.

My hombres get into this role-playing vibe sometimes (as seen in our latest Winter Veil exploits), so it wasn’t surprising we ended up taking sides between an undead warrior and a gnome death knight for best Plagueworks tank.

Some argued that an undead warrior grew up to the smell of graveyards and wears rotting flesh cologne, so the noxious gases should pose no threat. His emergency abilities of Shockwave and Whirlwind also give some breathing space when things literally get too stuffy.

For a gnome death knight, the approach is a little different: smell avoidance. As one friend put it, “During a fire the smoke rises but oxygen stays at the bottom of the room. So a gnome death knight can easily sniff the fresh air below!” Death knights will likely have improved resilience against nasty spells as well because of similar runic abilities like Plague Strike and Pestilence.

The debate raged for a good half hour or so. But I decided to make things a little wackier. “What about a Pig paladin?”

Tank, Pig, Tank!

A Pig paladin would have the quintessential Bubble-cum-oxygen tank and Purify spell for cleansing diseases. The enlarged snout racial passive also gives bonus resistance against strangulation effects.

Move over Belfs! There's so much of these wispy-haired paladins running around. Time to consecrate some Pigs into the order, I say.

Most of the group agreed that a Pig paladin might just beat out the other two contenders, with the proper spec and gear. But most already had enough in their hands reconciling how cows can become paladins when Cataclysm hits this year, so a pig paladin tank might be plausible only in WoW 2.0 (along with the Pandas and Nagas).

So how have you been preparing for Plagueworks, porkers? Searching through giant poop in Azshara and Hellfire Peninsula to psyche yourself up? Or have you been practicing the inoculation dance? Drop your two Golds in the matter. :D

And The Next Chop Model Is...

It began with eight aspiring piggies who—like hapless Alliance lowbies enlisting on the ruthless Illidan server—had no clue as to what kind of pain they were signing up for.

But after four grueling weeks that saw our fine porkers squeezing into skin-tight costumes and striking poses no pair of hamstrings should ever endure, Next Chop Model has found the loveliest ham of them all.

Introducing the Next Chop Model winner:



Peter Porker!

And as is the tradition from years past, Thighra Shanks ended the evening with an inspirational speech anointing Peter Porker as the “pit boy” of the 2010 spring-summer season.

"I am so proud of you," said an emotional Thighra, "because the piglet that burned my eyes with his fugly portfolio, has blossomed into a model.”

"You are a star. A bright, pudgy star with the lovely hue of a Sanrio kitty. You are the pit boy, the kind that will make heads—and noses—turn as you walk the dirt trails of Paris and Milan. You are truly special," said Thighra.

Winning Montage

As the crowd roared and a sea of WoW Gold poured into the hog pit where Peter Porker performed his celebratory muck-around-the-pen, a montage of his month-long journey played in the backdrop screens…

Week 1 : Peter’s portrayal of an undead piglet rising from the grave earned him a shriek or two from the judges—at how ghastly fabulous he looked despite the unflattering full-moon lighting and eye bag-enhancing make-up.

Week 2 : Drawing gritty inspiration from his troubled childhood on the wrong sign of Brooklyn pens, Peter painted himself a fitting black eye. In the words of Thighra: “He showed how maintaining the right attitude—and a great set of chops—can conquer any adversity.”

Week 3 : Peter dug himself into some rough patch during the final four when his rendition of the Swine King of Azeroth got mixed reviews from the judges. But lugging around authentic armor in the barren wastelands of Northrend gave him enough sympathy votes to push him into the finale.

Week 4 : The clincher week saw his final competitor Gordon Bleu pose as a WoW Gold baron basking in his goblin-protected bank vault. Despite the blinding display of gold by Gordon, Thighra rallied behind Peter due to his dashing turn as Cap’n Peter “Pigslop” Porker.

An Interview with the Teatcrest

Pentertainment News (P! News) host Ryan Teatcrest rushed on scene after the winner was announced, and got the lowdown on what’s in store for Peter Porker:

Ryan Teatcrest: Peter, Peter! What a finale that was. Was there any doubt in your head that the wig you chose was too ladylike? I mean, there’s such a fine line between pirate braids and reggae locks!

Peter Porker: You know Ryan, that dilemma troubled me for days. But I just relied on my guts—people always said this was my best part. And before I knew it, my shoot sizzled with the intensity of a Midwestern barbecue grill!

R: Patch 3.3 of Warcraft just went live and I hear Blizzlard is looking for new actors to promote it, similar to their campaign with T-Pain. Do you plan to have guestings or appearances in the numerous raids gunning for the Frozen Throne?

P: Funny you should mention that. My agent just called to say that Blizzlard has set up a meeting to discuss a possible part as the feast pig served after the defeat of Arthas. I’m excited to show off my graceful bellyflop pose and apple-munching dexterity.

R: Aren’t you afraid of the cold weather? Or worse, the sea of draenei paladins that will swoon over you during the filming at the Argent Crusade base camp?

P: I’m not worried one bit. Those cows can do with me whatever they want. It’s part of the gig to act as the beefiest bacon in town, and it can only help me to have such adoring fans.

With that final question, Peter Porker gave a quick strut on the runway and a classy snout goodbye to his fellow Chop Model Contestants. Next stop: Paris to spend his well-earned gold for the finest clothes a ham can have.

Let's just hope this includes some anti-barbecue gear for the coming Cataclysm.

The BlizzCon of Ozz

So the Prince of Darkness will be rockin' BlizzCon 2009. I think Ozzy predicted this way back in "The Blizzard of Ozz." Soon, Ozzy and Arthas will be battling for the crown in a mix of hail, sleet, swords, guitars and slurred british accents. Man, that'd be awesome.

As long as it had subtitles.

Some of the Pigs are attending BlizzCon as hardcore fanboys, but this little piggie will stay home and sulk. And order the internet stream for the Grunty pet.

We've got lotsa tidbits from the big ol' Blizz these past few days. They be gettin' their newfangled Twitter accounts like @Warcraft, @Starcraft and @Diablo. As a self-proclaimed Twitter addict, you can bet your pork rinds that I'm following them on the WoWGoldPig Twitter.

Then there's the Cataclysm rumor, oh boy. I'm still waiting for Blizz to confirm this, or completely turn around and surprise us with a MURLOC expansion HELLS YEAH!

Who knows what'll happen in BlizzCon? Any speculations?

Of Cataclysms and She-Wolves

Hot on the trails of the growing rumor about the new WoW expansion, World of Warcraft: Cataclysm, the new races are allegedly the Goblin for the Horde and Worgen for the Alliance (more on WoW.com)

Worgen.

WORGEN. Man, Worgen for the Alliance. The Alliance gets a badass werewolf race while the Horde gets little green men. What I would do to have a Worgen Death Knight. That's like a mess of death, fangs and fur all around you.

Speaking of wolves, here's one that I wouldn't mind. If we were the three little piggies, I wouldn't mind this she-wolf blowing on our house.

Heck, why don't we just let her in!

Check out Shakira's She-Wolf! Go on, play the video. We guarantee that the hip-swaying and skin Shakira's showing is enough to hypnotize a crowd. She is HOT.



Like smokin' bacon HOT!

I'd be a happy porker if the female worgen in WoW was even remotely that sexy.