Like Piggy In Her Hands

She sure played me, dudes. A beautiful blood elf if there ever was one, hanging around Mulgore in her Winter Garb knickers. She of pale skin and green eyes whispered small talk while I rummaged through my bank stash at the Lower Rise.

All I was looking for was a hand-me-down for a new alt. But I got a charming belf instead interested enough to ask about my holiday plans.

I told her the battleplan: raid ICC, level my prot pally, and spar with some twinked toons along the way. Basically long, uninterrupted stretches of gaming in my room (which I hope to turn into a WoW Pod someday). But I left out the part about eating spiced sausages with the intensity of a first-time Naxx run. Didn't want to seem like a total pig...

"Seems like a lot of fun," she said. "Me, I'll be farming herbs to help my lil bro out grind gold." A few minutes later I was sending her gold coins with a :D-filled letter attachment. The moment she turned her pretty head of golden locks, I realized I had been like piggy in her hands--a fat piggy bank, that is. Break open with a sob story and get free WoW gold.

So my advice is not to get too carried away with the spirit of Winter Veil. Just aid a questing lowbie or resist pwning a battlegrounds virgin. And most importantly, keep your head level when these lovely ladies talk to you.

Cool Customer. Don't let the clingy outfits cloud your judgment. [Hat tip]

You can do it, porkers!

Happy Hoglidays!

WoW Gold Pig wishes everyone a very merry Christmanukkah!

Yes, that is our holiday of choice for this year and not just because it lasts for twenty days (twelve days of Christmas and eight for Hannukah baby) and each day is marked by highly indulgent acts of receiving gifts and stuffing your face full. No, no, NO.

Now let's all pretend that was not a flat-out lie so we can move on to this masterpiece of a holiday card. One word: BACON. Mmm...


You may not be able to see it clearly but the card reads, "May your holidays be wrapped in goodness."

Now correct me if I'm wrong but goodness is really just a euphemism for sugar and fat. Am I right or am I right? Yeah, that's what this season does to ya.

Enjoy dudes!

How Christmas Carols Should Be Done

So, I’m a guy and I find nothing wrong with liking Christmas carols. Those carolers are everywhere, man! And you know what they say, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

Fine, NGL. I genuinely like carols. That can be attributed to the fact―yes, fact―that I’m quite the modern-day troubadour. Girls don’t have to fall over themselves trying to get me to bust it out (boy, they do anyway) because I’d willingly serenade them. Something like, A little bit of Jaina in my life, a little bit of Alexstrasza by my side, a little bit of Sylvanas’ what I need…

Pffft. My biceps got more talent than whoever wrote/sang/wasted brain cells to think of that crap.

What’s definitely far from crap, on the other hand, is anything sung by The Guild. This precious little clip I’m about to show is from a few years back but it’ll never get old. Mainly because of Felicia Day. God, I just love this girl. Cutest real-life redhead chick ever. So cute, I wanna wrap her in a blanket and take her home with me.

Until then, watch the brilliance below:

Done? No, you’re not. The replay button isn’t there for nothing.

The Next Best Pig Out

Christmas Eve is just several days away, but can't you just smell it--the slow-roasting ham, buttered taters, and choco chip cookies. *Wipes drool off keyboard*

I'm at the parental units--AKA the land of pigging out--and unlike Leonard, mama's taking good care of her baby boy with her cured meats. But for some of you porkers, stuffing one's face silly isn't really an option.

Especially when the gf has threatened to turn Alliance if you even look at the buffet table. So here's how to play WoW while staving off the overeating banhammer in real life.

First off, run through Dalaran to grab a dozen or so Half Full Dalaran Glass Wines. The cheese shop and bar will have plenty at their tables. Then, use these to toast with fine bubbly: such as a Glass of Aged Dalaran Red or the rare Glass of Peaked Dalaran

Once you've got the buzz, hop on over to Greatfather Winter and sip his Greatfather's Winter Ale. Gnomes will strictly drink Winter Veil Egg Nog instead, just because there are no elves to pick on. (Would-be Goblin rollers be forewarned!)

Now on to the main course. Grab a bucket of Red Hot Wings and Beer Baster Boar Ribs while watching noobs fall over themselves collecting the free gifts. Once that bores you--or the grilled goodies run out--get in on the gift-opening action. There's a Winter Veil Roast waiting for your efforts.

For dessert, the Winter Veil Cookies will crave any sweet tooth. Or if you're feeling giddy inside, pack them inside mooncloth bags and send off to low-level guildies. Just think of it as a way of giving back to the WoW community that has fattened our lives in more ways than our waists.

It's the next best pig out. Really.

Oh who am I kidding. Munch on those mincemeat pies and smile like a greench!

Greench. The look of sastisfaction after sinning with booze, sugar, and cholesterol.

Happy eating, porkers!

Snorting Away the Winter Blues

Hauling my bum past freezing roads last night got me thinking: How awesome would it be to turn into a real life tuskarr?

Homeward Bound. A human winter won't be a match against massive hair, tough skin and cold-resistant flabs. [Hat tip]

As a tuskarr, I’d spend the winter walking in the park with Pig in tow. I’d also play World of Warcraft in the freezing patio to make Northrend raids all the more authentic. The cold won’t be such a bother since my Tuskarr hide will act as a natural insulator similar to Pig’s layers of flab.

Plus a turtle mount for errand runs!

I must have looked like one of the crazies, smiling at the thought of a Tuskarr existence. But then reality set in: Not even a strict diet of bacon, fish oil and WoW Gold can turn me into an Azerothian walrus.

Don’t be SAD. Snort some snow!

When I told Pig about my Tuskarr obsession, he said I could just be suffering from a mild case of the SAD, which afflicts most gamers apparently, observes some brothers at the card gaming realms.

Real SAD. Depression symptoms include averseness to WoW Gold and faraway emo stares. [Hat tip]

Pig tried to cheer me up with a sprinkling of WoW Gold left over from Peter Porker’s winning bash. When even moolah didn’t cheer me up, my flabby friend sat down and said: “Dude, you’ll be fine. Come with me, we’ll snort some snow.”

While the narcs won’t approve of his turn of phrase, Pig just meant he’ll help me finish the Feast of Winter Veil activities and get the Merrymaker achievement. Leave it to a gangsta hog-in-training to give some danger to one of the most non-l33t events in WoW.

I’ve already done a couple of quests for Winter Veil, and I can see why Pig squeals so much about it. There are hilarious ironies like gnomes pretending to be Santas instead of elves and rescuing a captured reindeer for gift-giving slavery.

Still kinda wish I could be a Tuskarr, but snorting WoW snow isn't that bad of an upper. Just have to suck it up in bigger chunks, like a powerful hog snout. Tips anyone?

Bacon Roasting On An Open Fire…

OH COME ON, who cares about chestnuts?

Duuuude, roasted bacon is dee-vine. It’s pure heaven I can’t even begin to tell you.
That reminds me, Christmas is almost a week away. Man, that means I’m running out of time to master my oven-roasting skills!

Fortunately, that’s not the case with my Christmas shopping. I finally got around to doing it―online, of course. I admit I can’t brave the massive last-minute holiday shopping crowds. Yeah yeah, call me a wuss. At least I can take that.

So anyway, here are just some of the gifts I picked out for the dear carnivores in my life. This is essentially a bacon-centric gift guide (read: not for everyone).




To start off, these raw bacon magnets ($4.99) are a key addition to any meat lover’s fridge. Realistic, eh? Bonus points for helping you remember the groceries.





Save this sizzling bacon soy candle ($26) for a non-traditional candlelit dinner. It crackles and smells like bacon frying in a pan which, I’m guessing, should impress your lady friend.






For the number one accident-prone buddy, these bacon bandages ($3.50) are pretty damn thoughtful. Also a nice way of saying, “Merry Christmas, klutz.”





This handy bacon air freshener ($2.74) is great for masking that recurring locker room stench we are all too familiar with. Nothing like spicing up the air with the aromatic scent of bacon!







Feel like getting something on the fancy side? This bacon silk scarf ($57) will generate oohs and aahs. Shades of crimson red and carnation pink adorn this hand-painted beauty.







Lastly, you can’t go wrong with this bacon statement shirt ($20). I’ve already gotten one for everyone here at WoW Gold Pig. Hell yeah, bacon brings badass back.





Now remember piggies, if you get inspiration from this list, I take full credit. LOL!

[Images taken from Etsy and Amazon]