Battle of the Bacon (and the Bulge)

I don’t know about you porkers but when it comes to patch 3.3.3., I am not a happy camper. Since downloading it, I’ve encountered issues with bugs, add-on screw-ups, getting DC’ed in 25-mans (and sometimes even 10-mans, ffs). So yeah, like I said. Happy isn’t the best word to describe me right now. Maybe hopeful. Actually, make that hungry.

When I’m stressed, I eat. That’s just the way it’s always been for me, dude. Some people go by the saying “Eat to live, not live to eat” but I say SCREW THAT.

Since last week, I’ve been driving by Wendy’s on the way home, successfully getting my burger fix after a long day at work and before a presumably stressful raid. I’ve made it my goal to sample every single menu item that’s been graced by the presence of bacon. I’m on to you, other fast food restaurants.

Now don’t think all that grease went to waste. In fact, all that gorging has lead me to create WoW Gold Pig’s first ever food face-off. LET’S GET READY TO RUMBAAAAAALLLL!!!



To start off, we have
WENDY’S BACONATOR

Calorie Count: 830

Total Fat: 51 g

Ingredients: Premium bun, 2 beef burger patties, ketchup, mayonnaise, 2 slices of American cheese, 6 strips of Applewood smoked bacon

Clogging Arteries Since: 2007




For the challenge’s contender, we have
WENDY’S BACON AND BLUE

Calorie Count: 680

Total Fat: 40 g

Ingredients: Premium bun, beef burger patty, tomatoes, lettuce, 4 strips of Applewood smoked bacon, steakhouse sauce, onions, dill pickles, ketchup, mustard, American cheese slice, real blue cheese crumbles

Clogging Arteries Since: 2010


Now let’s see how these babies score on WoW Gold Pig’s made up official criteria:

Mess Maker Master: Bacon and Blue. It’s mainly the blue cheese crumbles. Not advisable to eat on the car or the couch, unless you have a thing for munching on food that’s been preserved in the depths of old leather furniture
Machismo Appeal: The Baconator, hands down. With its exclusion of veggies, it is unapologetically badass. And yes, it’ll be back.
Resistance to Dog Attack: Bacon and Blue. Nothing fancy for my carnivore canine, who likes eating the same things. Like his poop. There’s no way I can eat my Baconator in peace when the tailchaser’s around.
Stomach Friendliness: Baconator for this one. Though I’ve never had issues after eating the Bacon and Blue, with far more ingredients it might not mix well with other foods in the future.
Presen

ARGH! You know what? Forget it. Seriously. There’s no way these two can go head to head! They’re both so good and I’m very very easy to please. Oh well, can’t say I didn’t try.

Buzzing on BlizzCon

*exhales heavily*

Blizzard finally released the dates for BlizzCon 2010! October 22 and 23, porkers. Make sure to save the date!

I’ve been holding my breath for far too long and that says a lot for someone who hardly even stops to breathe when he eats, which is every twenty minutes, give or take.

Not much details yet on the two-day event as of late but then again, I’m not really a details kind of guy. I lean more towards the VISUALS. And I guess that makes me…a guy’s guy. Y’all know what I’m sayin’.

What’s that? You don’t? Well, I’ll let you piggies off the hook this time and let this vid speak for itself:



WOWZA! Strut yo stuff. Them girls are lookin’ hella fine!

I could probably shed a few excess poundage just by watching them on stage with the way they get me sweating like a pig. Well, DUH. Ooh great! Thanks for the idea, self! Now I’ve got THE best reason to pack my bags, drag my lazy-ass buddies along with me and head to Anaheim!

Patch 3.3.3 and The Unbearable Heaviness of Being

Part inspirational vid, part cautionary tale. There's a mad surfing season coming up and my tummy's not cooperating AT ALL--just keeps growling like a black lion in heat.

And because there's always a BBQ here at the HQ, there's no way to break free from the Fat Man that's possessed me. I have more luck escaping from the Lich King.

You know the jiggles up (pardon the pun) when girls avert their eyes down to your belly the moment you turn. Grab them a glass of water. *STARE* Open them the car door. *STARE*

The belly monster has to go so I've scheduled some heavy riding sessions with my board soon. Well, just after I finish testing Patch 3.3.3, the latest update that made war mounts cost 50,000 honor.

It's been out for a couple of days now and gave a mixed bag of wins and fails. We know the full patch notes can be a snooze-fest, so we'll dish out our preliminary, biased assessments:

Buffs and Nerfs
- Death knight frost tanks got a boost. Could reverse their bad rep in heroic PuGs, but will be offset in battlegrounds where their upgraded talents are already annoying me more than usual.
- The population of Frostfire mages might rise by 0.001% due to patch buffs, while subtlety rogues can be less shy about their Recount digits.

Battlegrounds
- Marks of honor are now useless, so turn them in for honor at your local Brigadier-General. Only traded half of it before I got sick of the click grind. But bought new Relentless shoulders for my prot/ret pally so it's all even.
- New random battlegrounds finder put me in three straight Strands of the Ancients--more play than what I saw in the past month! Had a blast but will transfer to good 'ol Arathi Basin in a heartbeat. Terribly miss the paratrooper dives from the lumber mill node.

Heroics
- Digging the No-Drop policy in Heroics. Players are growing some backbone when landing in harder instances like Halls of Reflection due to longer 30-minute deserter debuff.

Crafting and Trading
- Frozo the Renowned is now in business. Don't mind the line because he sells some pretty useful stuff. Just beware of dang Mammoths blocking the engineering auction/trade shop.
- Auction House multi-stack selling! $weet for sellers, but utter torture for buyers. Imagine browsing 20 pages and still seeing 1-piece stacks of saronite ore!

There's a lot more changes, but I'm fairly confident these are the most important bits in the the update. With my sacred duty done, please excuse me porkers as I catch the waves. Vanity is calling. :D

***

Jimbo Pellegrine video via YouTube Draenei
Death knight artwork by Rayph via DeviantArt

The Tank Twilight Zone

Somewhere, in an Azjol-Nerub instance, a paladin tank and a death knight tank both zoned in for a 5-man heroic. The healer and two DPS scratched their heads and wondered if they were still in Northrend or in a Tank Twilight Zone.

Who has the bigger e-p33n? [source]

"These spiders don't stand a chance against my holy Consecration, so I should be the tank," said the pally, throwing his Captain America shield at the first group of mobs.

"Pfft. Dude that's weak. Taste my jumongous Death and Decay!" countered the death knight as he gripped a spider, Scorpion-style.

Minutes later, in the fastest run they ever saw, the group stood over the corpse of Anub'arak. The rest of the group said thank you but the two tanks were still yammering in group chat.

"Geez, why'd you taunt the bat away from the healer, I totally had him!" said the death knight.

"LOLZ. Let's talk about fairness when you lose that ghoul army of yours. You don't see me calling the rest of the Argent Crusade as back up," countered the paladin.

***

You porkers know the drill. Put two tanks together and they can't help but argue who's the best at AoE tanking, single-target tanking, effective health, moving threat generation, etc.

For those hoping these pissing contests will end by Cataclysm--better luck next expansion. Seems Blizzard wants to keep the tank trash talk alive if only to keep them all raid viable.

"... [W]e don't think well-defined tank niches are very good for the game. We've even backed off of well-defined healing niches and we'll continue to do so even more in Cataclysm," according to a blue post from Ghostcrawler.

Ghostcrawler explained that tank specialization can pigeonhole each class into certain types of dungeons. Imagine as a pally tank to only be wanted for Culling of Stratholme --won't that be a bummer?
Instead, Blizzard seems to be focusing on differentiating each tank on their talents and abilities. This can be seen in the new thread from Blizzard poster Nethaera, which asks for feedback on how tanking cooldowns can be made "fun and useful" for Cataclysm.

Tank forums are getting hot and juicy. [source]

The topic is hotter than sizzling bacon (22 forum pages in just three days!) so better put your two WoW Gold into the discussion. Just avoid the QQ--Blizz thinks that's the ultimate buzzkill.

WoW Celeb Chicks: A Welcome Distraction

First, let’s get down to the root of this post. It’s late Friday afternoon and I’ve been pacing back and forth my room for the past couple of minutes, phone in hand, anxiety at an all-time high. Also, I’m trying to break in the new shoes I got specifically for the date which may or may not happen tonight.

I’ve been subtly trying to convert this girl to play WoW for more than a month now.
And boy, did I struggle. Long story short, she thinks that it might be a problem down the road that I’m a gamer and she’s not. Well, she may have worded it far more eloquently but that’s the gist, dude.

So anyway, now I’ve been itching like mad to drunk dial her number but that would mean going against the agreement I sorta made. Sorta because I only half-nodded, a few seconds too late to even process what she meant when she made this parting statement to me last Saturday, “Don’t call me. I’ll call you.”

The things I could get away with if I were this cat...

WTF was that all about? One minute, I thought I had her perfectly wrapped around my finger and then the next, I feel like I’m back in the sixth grade when Crystal broke it off with me the day before homecoming because my glasses were "unusually large" for my face.


So, I really don’t want this to be a party pooper post. Whether she calls or she doesn’t, I’ll just have to deal. And what better way to distract myself than to scout for the hottest WoW celebrity chicks? They might give me the time of day, you never know.

All right, on to my Top 5:

5. Cameron Diaz
We have A-list actress and my favorite blonde cougar kicking off the list. There’s a nugget of info floating around the web―a quote from her that reads, “Hi guys! Cameron Diaz here, just letting you know that I indeed play WoW! I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE LOL my name is Hippopotamus and I play on Detheroc!”

Now that makes me one hungry hungry hippo!

4. Adrianne Curry
Mmm, I loves me some curry. Okay, I don’t really know much of her but she looks familiar enough so that counts, right? And she loves playing WoW…in the buff.

No doubt about it, this curry brings a whole new level of spice.

Yeah, bro. Geeks come in this package too.

3. Eliza Dushku
Ever since I saw this badass chick in Bring It On (dude, cheerleaders + carwash + catfights = my kind of chick flick), I thought, “That’s one girl I wouldn’t mind kicking my ass over and over again.”

A newcomer to the game, she tweeted about creating a new character and asking whether she should go Alliance or Horde. Hey hun, whatever you choose, I’ll help you lvl.

2. Mila Kunis
I’d forever think of her as Jackie in That 70s Show, at the time when she was this really hot underaged actress IRL. I have no shame saying that because back then, I was too―underaged, I mean.

Having watched this exotic, pint-sized beauty on the Jimmy Kimmel Show in full-on geek mode going on about raids and guilds and being a kickass mage, I was instantly blown away. Babe knows her stuff.

1. Felicia Day
Surely, it’s no surprise the ginge takes the cake. Fel, as I so affectionately call her (in my head, of course) is the geek goddess herself. As writer, producer and star of online comedy show The Guild, this alluring readhead has captured the hearts of fanboys and fangirls everywhere. So Fel , how ‘bout we skip me dating your avatar and cut to the chase?

She also has a comic series in the works (a print version of The Guild) so I'll definitely keep an eye on that one.

What do you think of the list, porkers? Alert me if I missed anyone. Oh hold on, I think my phone's ringing. OH HOLY MOTHE---IT IS RINGING. Ayt, I gotta go.

March Madness Sale Gives Away 25% Free Gold

It’s the most insane double promo yet!

Join the March Madness Sale at WoWGoldPig.com to get Fat Discounts and 25% Free Gold with every purchase on the website.

Spend just $4.49 per 1,000 Gold to get 200 more Gold when we deliver your order within the day.

Just enter the coupon code: MADNESS at checkout to activate the promo.

Dress and ride like a king with all this extra Gold! Go order a full epic raiding set from the blacksmiths at Dalaran or head to Mei Francis to purchase your armored flying mount!

Act fast because the March Madness Sale lasts until the end of the month.

Visit WoWGoldPig.com now to get 25% free Gold.

*The March Madness Sale does not cause actual insanity. But it can inspire a Tribute to Insanity:

March Madness Sale at WoWGoldPig.com

Ever felt like a tub of lard sitting in Dalaran while better geared players raided the Icecrown Citadel? Well, QQ less and grab more gold!

WoWGoldPig.com hooks you up with the best gold deals ever in its month-long March Madness Sale. Just $4.95 per 1,000 Gold bought in all US servers!

Now you can upgrade those so-so blues to epic crafted purples, and purchase rare gems to max out your stats. Your penny pinching days are over, my friend!

Cataclysm will also burn a hole through your pocket, so better stock up on gold fast. Blizzard just released new details on the Mastery system and our current gear will become outdated soon. But if you build a nice gold stash, you'll collect that Mastery gear in no time.

Everyone's rushing to the March Madness Sale so don't be the poor piggy that gets left behind! WoWGoldPig store has recruited the finest goblins to service you, minus the snarky attitude of course. You'll get expert gold advice and lots of pampering fit for a goblin trade prince.

Buy 1,000 Gold for $4.95 now!

What Cataclysm Means for Three Little Pigs

Hey porkers! How’s it hanging?

Here at The Pig, we’ve been super pumped by all the juicy bits Blizzard shared on the Cataclysm expansion in its latest developer Twitter chat.

Class balances, graphics updates and gear mechanics were all discussed. But one thing we noticed was how owning tons of Gold can make Cataclysm a bit more bearable. Below are must-buy conveniences for three types of porkers:

Battlegrounds Rations (For PvP Boars)
Brush off those flag capping and tower defending skills! You’ll need it when the new Battle for Gilneas City battleground opens. While exact mechanics are still up in the air, it’s known that the Alliance and Horde will fight over the districts of Gilneas City.

Cataclysm also ushers in rated battlegrounds, which will up the ante for cross-server teamwork. Last longer with the aid of flasks and other food buffs. Potions also cost WoW Gold a pop, but timed well it can save you a trip from the graveyard.

Splurge on these consumables because random battlegrounds will also yield arena points soon. You mean we’ll get the latest Gladiator armor set through battlegrounds? Heck yeah!

Bigger Bags (For Loot Hogs)
While PvP boars get their snouts dirty in the battlegrounds, loot hogs will head to the World’s End Tavern to buy bigger all-purpose bags from socialite Haris Pilton.

Blizzard did not specify though whether the new bags will have 26 slots or more. The 24-slot Portable Hole is the biggest all-purpose bag in game today and costs 3,000 WoW Gold each. If you’re a rabid loot pig like the peeps in Hoarders, then better stock up on WoW Gold now to cover the high cost.

Extra bag space is king and stores more epic gear, holiday items and even flirty letters from hot draenei chicks. Especially the flirty letters. Gotta keep those no matter what!

Submarine Trips (For Casual Hams)
This one’s for the casual hams who like to ride the Ironforge tram for its undersea view.

Blizzard announced that gnomes and goblins have built submarines the size of the Icecrown gunships, which will transport players to submerged regions accessible in Cataclysm.

We think there will be a cool viewing deck to observe the aquatic life below the Great Sea. So if you’re the type who likes to take screenshots or footage for Youtube vids, then better stock up on WoW Gold now. That way, you can pay for countless fare rides back and forth the cool submarines and even buy special gear that match the underwater background.

So go farm saronite, play the auction house or get a little help from us. All that matters is you have enough coin to spend come Cataclysm.

There's Always Next Year

/cry

That’s what I kept telling myself since last Saturday, the day I missed out on THIS:



Now if you don’t know what that is, you’ll make me even sadder. And fatter. I’ve been binge-eating myself throughout this coping process with inhuman amounts of my all-time favorite cured meat.

It’s the only way I can think of to compensate for my missing the annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival in Iowa this year. More than 1000 pounds of bacon were prepared, highlights of which were the chocolate chunk bacon cookies and the obligatory bacon-eating contest, for 2010’s “A Bacon Odyssey – One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Bacon.”

Even the title tears me up. I would’ve walked a thousand steps just to be where the party’s at! No, further! Yeah bacon, ‘cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you…

But alas, the tickets sold out on me. Tried entering the contests to win free tickets but no luck with that either.

I’m way bummed that I didn’t get to be part of the whole bacon explosion. I really am. I would have distracted myself with WoW but TBH, I’m too bloated to even function.

Now, excuse me while I help (help? no, not really) myself to another bacon cheese turtleburger.