Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Who Moved My Bacon? Class Changes Through Rose-Colored Goggles

Ah class changes. Every Porker worth his level 80 main feels a twinge of dread when Ghostcrawler and his blue posse begins announcing the "exciting improvements" for our beloved classes.

Change is scary for good reason--there will always be relative nerfs. We're all competing for raid spots or battleground honor kills so even though each class gets shiny new abilities, there will always be the stinky spec. And everyone's afraid it'll be their turn to scrape the bottom of the performance barrel.

But here at the Pig HQ we don't like to get our blood pressure too high by worrying or whining. We faced the class changes instead with a FTW attitude. Call us brainwashed by those zen-like mice but here's our take on why each class will rock our socks off come Cataclysm.

Death Knight
Necrotic Strike returns from the depths of the PTR to strike fear in the hearts of all healers. I also expect death knights to shed their reputation as mindless battleground newbs with the new baseline spell Dark Simulacrum. The spell will force all death knights to study the abilities of other classes--a learned advantage l33ts take pride of.

I lament the death of the perma-tree form, but at least druid tanks will now break free from their Swipe spam stupor. Stampeding Roar is also one of the most OP abilities I can think of for Warsong Gulch so expect druid-centric pre-mades camping that particular battleground.

w this class will become the adventurer-of-all-trades. Their new active pet switching system is so efficient for leveling, and will make them ultra viable for any raid composition. The switch to energy also looks promising because of giveback abilities that refresh the resource on hit (i.e. no more mana burn deaths).

The closest thing to a PvP God class. As if their frost spec didn't rule enough in battlegrounds, Blizz added the damned if you cross, damned if you don't Wall of Fog. The old school nod to Diablo 2 with the flame version of the Frozen Orb also puts the Mage class on top of my must-have alts in Cataclysm.

Healing Rain and Spiritwalker's Grace more than make up for
the loss of the iconic Cleansing Totem in line with the dispel mechanics changes. The resto shaman mastery is also one of the more powerful among healing specs due to higher health pools in Cataclysm and hints from Blizzard that raid encounters will require careful triage.

Awesome screenshots with our new level 85 guardian angels! LOL. But seriously, these cooldown "pets" should give paladins another layer of survivability. Ret, the maligned child of yester expansions, also seems to be getting some dev love with the Crusader Strike change. And a new disruption tool via Blinding Shield is wicked good for all three paladin specs.

Come over here! Priests take a cue from Scorpion with their max level Leap of Faith that pulls allies from the pummeling of their lives (or that easily avoidable fire). The Discipline spec also ramps up its shielding arsenal with Power Shield: Barrier. Just hearing that word is ownage, coming from the tradition of Final Fantasy where barri
ers are the sickest prevention spells around. Something tells me PS: Barrier will live up to its name.

Rogues will no longer reap the hate of all classes. In fact, I expect them to be the best friends of the plate melee classes due to their handy Smoke Bomb. Heck, they'll make HoR a piece of cake (Yeah, yeah we'll overgear that dungeon by that time but you get my point). Discarding the dagger-only skills also broadens the rogue weapon choice exponentially. Double-claw assassins here I come!

24 additional slot bags and a chance to blow up that mage within three Soulshard uses. Warlocks are now toting some heavy guns if their DoTs aren't up for the job. The Demon Soul transformation is also the stuff gamer's dreams are made of - becoming one with a Succubus... yum...

The next expansion brings an ultra macho move to the Warriors with a stun-causing Heroic Leap. The promise of reduced rage costs across the board also bodes well against rage starvation that happens more often than it should. A couple of bleed and passive damage talents round out the changes.

Phew, that took the wind out of me. In fact I'm getting dizzy wearing these rose-colored goggles while reading walls of blue text. So before I lose strength and go into /grumpy mode like a starved QQer, I'm heading to Taco Bell for some grub.
Adios amigos!

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Monday, April 19, 2010

Pony Up!

Even after three days following its staggeringly overhyped debut, the Celestial Steed mount is still high on everyone’s radar. Actually…make that GAYdar.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against unicorns or ponies or anything of the equine sort (dude, I actually liked the Sex and the City movie…heehee) and constellations and sprinkles and pancakes. And all those other things that happiness is made of.

BUT―and this is a big one, mind you―the newest flying mount is nothing but a bejeweled baby beast. And it’ll cost ya 25 bucks. Sure it’s pretty but man, we’re talking TWENTY-FIVE REAL WORLD DOLLARS.

DUDE, SRSLY. Riding that fancy horse is roughly the equivalent of riding a pink Audi TT IRL.

Big pimpin eh?

Just so you know, I’m not as outraged as some people are about this whole thing. In fact, I think Blizzard’s move is sheer genius. I would probably have thought of it myself if I worked for them but I don’t so I have to live with that.

I just wish they thought of us porkers too when they made the mount. I personally can never buy this My Little Pony (Superstar Fairy Edition) because it would look stupid and miniscule carrying my brawny, beefy toons. Next time, tone down the pizzazz and make it look kick-ass.

But I have to give credit where credit is due. Considering all the hoopla and the ridiculous amount of sales it has generated for Blizzard, the steed’s quite the stud.

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

WoW VS GFs Can Be Funny

There comes a time in every pig's life where he is forced to make a difficult decision, one completely life-changing there is no chance of turning back.

Well okay so maybe there is…occasionally. But often times, it’s too late bro. I’m talking about choosing between Warcraft and your girl.

I never got to that stage where she’s throwin’ out my stuff and all so it’s cool. But I’m very much a single guy now so I guess I’ll do better next time to avoid that at all costs. Yes, ladies. This guy’s officially back on the market!

Called it quits with that hottie I’ve been dating on and off for 3 months. No, she didn’t go all psychobitchy on me (whew!), precisely because she didn’t have enough reason to.

Can't say the same for the lame ass dude in this vid though:

ROFLMAO! Damn, their music’s catchy. And the lyrics? Gold. Plus, girl’s actually kind of doable adorable.

And that is how you do it girls. Find a creative, non-endangering outlet to unleash your wrath instead of, oh IDK, sneaking in our rooms and shredding beta keys to get back at us or something.

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Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Buy Me A Drank

I admit. I have had a lot to drink. Nah, I'm laying off the alcohol for now. It’s this Mana energy potion drink I’ve always wanted to try but never got around to buying.

The drink claims to give you +160 mana boost, 5-8 hours of nonstop energy MINUS the crash. Woot!

Here, this sweet Japanese girl can illustrate better:

Real cute, isn’t she? I say, “Less filling, more killing and MOAR GOLD!!!

So I got my six-pack delivered today and I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve already downed 2 bottles in 30 minutes, completely ignoring the potion’s 24-hour cool-down time.

Actually, I’m not too sold on the citrusy taste but the bottle is just damn epic, I really don’t mind taking a swig from it more often than I should.

Now I’m off to another random instance to see how long my Mana lasts!

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Tuesday, April 6, 2010

A Guide to Naughtygarden

This will be a (slightly) PG-rated post so kiddies who've yet to hear the birds and the bees lesson from their dads should stop reading now.

...Still here? Fine, you stubborn piglets can stay but let's keep this post our little secret, like when you snag those extra strips of bacon even when Mom says you've had enough. It's a yummy kind of naughty.

A little bit of a background. My guild is trying out a Naughtygarden version Noblegarden this year because most of us have already finished the Noble Gardener meta-achievement. We felt bad skipping all those delicious chocolate eggs and sexy bunny ears so we cooked up our own Naughtygarden holiday.

Basically, we are putting a twist on the old Noblegarden achievements and documenting them for the rest of the guildies to see (a private forums or blog will do the trick). Set prizes if your guild can afford them--it's been a blast so far!

Here are some Naughtygarden variations we're doing this week:

Blushing Brides. We log in a female toon and dress her up in a White Tuxedo Shirt and Black Tuxedo Pants, then kiss the Elegant Dressed girls waiting for their prince charming. We then ask the blonde belf if she'll take "Princess Charming" instead. Be prepared for RL blushes or even serious propositions.

Spring Fling Scandal. This one's a doozie. The regular spring fling achievement asks you to find a mate for your rabbit across the four starter towns. But here's where the scandal breaks out. Seems like your pet rabbit isn't being truthful about his single status--he's actually got a wife and kids at home!

My guildmates and I try to write the most persuasive blackmail letter addressed to Mr. cheating rabbit. My last letter read:

"Looks like your rabbit's foot ran out, Roger. Cough up the golden eggs or I'll send these pics to the missus. She'll skin and stew you alive."

Follow the Bunny-Maker. Ok, some of you might find this more creepy than naughty, but c'mon. When else can you stalk a legal-leveled belf hottie wearing those smexy bunny ears? If you're lucky, once you pop the Spring Flowers, the belf will play along and channel her inner model. Those bunny ears can sure make a girl special, I tell ya!

Naughtygarden is a great way to spice up the same-old Noblegarden. Feel free to borrow our suggestions or if you think of new ones, feel free to share them via the comments section. Stay naughty, porkers!


Rabbit ear model via stock photos at dreamstime.com

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