How Fast Food Made My Valentine’s Special

Dude no, that is disgusting. I did not spend the night playing with the McDonalds’ Happy Meal Barbie doll I got from eBay last week. That’s for my niece’s birthday! Which is…7 months from now but uhh, I like buying gifts in advance so sue me.

Anyway, it’s true. Valentine’s Day was no longer S.A.D. (FYI, that’s Single Awareness Day) because I had an amazing date yesterday, so amazing that it didn’t leave me broke. And I actually impressed the girl (from the epic first date last month, remember?) by treating her to fast food! Not only that, we just ate in! How am I so sure she’s impressed? She asked ME if I had plans for next week and gave me the look after the 10-second goodnight kiss. Unreal, bro.

Okay, so I know you must be racking your brains, figuring out how I managed to knock a girl off her feet with greasy fare in my humble abode. But don’t worry, I’ll let you in on my secret in a little bit.

See, at first I was thinking about taking her out to dinner and a movie but then I realized that’s what everyone else is doing. WTB originality. So instead of making dinner reservations somewhere swanky and with menu items I’d have to rely on my amateurish tongue-acrobatics to pronounce, I figured we’ll have a more intimate homemade dinner. Plus, there’s no chance of us running into each other’s exes. How’s that for thoughtful?

The thought may count but dude, it’s the execution that matters in the end.

I’ll be the first to say that while I’m an expert face stuffer, I am in no way close to being the best meal maker. The fanciest dish I’ve probably ever attempted was a poor man’s steak au poivre. “Attempted” being the operative word. Good thing I stumbled upon fancyfastfood.com, transforming daily no-fuss grub to exquisite replicas of chef’s specials.

They’ve made over Wendy’s Baconator Combo to pass for a fancy schmancy Napoleon, BK’s Whooper & Steakhouse Burger into a fancy schmancy Perguignon and Tim Hortons into Tiramisu, among other things. Magicians, these guys.

For our date, I successfully prepared Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce, which is nothing but a fancified Mcdonald’s Filet-O-Fish. Of course, she didn't need to know that.

Not the one I made. It looked damn close to this one though.

Now why fast food? Well, if you’re like me, who’s a) just a regular dude and b) strapped for cash, fast food is a savior of sorts. And because c’mon, who doesn’t like fast food? It’s a guilty pleasure, whether you admit to that or not. Funny, I didn’t even feel a tinge of guilt as I watched her pleasure herself with every bite…

Plus, I got her the 36-piece Valentine’s Day Ballotin Godiva set for dessert. You can’t go wrong with chocolate. Unless if she’s allergic or dieting or picky, which is not the case at all so yes, The Bradster scores major points again! Woot!

Later into the night, we toasted to some fancy wine I stole from Pops’ wine rack when I went home during the holidays. Again, she didn’t need to know that.

Last but not the least, I serenaded her with my cover of Stolen by Dashboard Confessional ― complete with guitar in hand. I had to, man. Every guy has to have a signature move and that’s mine.

Boy, I sure came a long way from my Wowing the WoW Girls series. How’d you celebrate Valentines?

Pigz Got (Social) Skillz, Y’all

4 days to go before the big V Day. Yeah, we do countdowns too. Nothing wrong with that. Some might think that we’re getting overly anxious just trying to get past the large stumbling block of getting a date this upcoming Hallmark holiday. But they’d have to think again.

Truthfully, we’re no basement dwellers (I used to be one up until last year but I am not one now anymore and that’s beside the point). The geeky, sweaty, mouth-breathery stereotype of gamers is passé. But them peoples are ignorant, man. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that us pigs got game!

To prove just that, I present you the WoW Gold Pig-approved list of in-game pick-up lines (thank you, internet):

"So hey, if I get to exalted with you do I get a 'Special' Epic Mount?"
"Hey, nice pants. What's the drop rate?"
“Are those pants from Mount Hyjal? Cause that ass is EPIC.”
"Don't worry, baby. I've got a Blessing of Protection."
“I dont need to cast a fire spell to ignite your fire.”
“Yeah, that's right... I'm hung like a Tauren.”
"Wanna raid my chamber?"
“Are you a vendor? Because I'd like to browse your goods.”

Not too shabby huh? A tip for piglets though: You don’t wanna come across as a pervy creep so use sparingly.

Now that I’ve got you equipped with mayjah skillz, I’ll leave you with an oldie but goodie to get you in the right perspective― Nymh’s Hard Like Heroic. Sleazefest FTW!




You’re welcome.

WTB Love: A Porker's Guide to Valentine's Dating

Ah, love is in the air again, porkers.

The streets of Dalaran are littered with rose petals and Pendlefeet begs me to feed him heart candies while I'm banking. It took me awhile to get used to all the pink on-screen, but at least Blizzard gave us gents a chance to redeem our manliness with tools to woo the ladies. Below are some tips on how to buy love--or at least a smooch--with your love tokens:

Suited for the Occasion.
Squeeze into a dinner suit (20 love tokens), splash on some cologne, and get a fresh cut at the barbers before asking out that half-naked draenei gyrating for gold coins. A dashing toon can sweep a girl in need off her bare feet, especially one that looks like he won't scrimp on the finer things in life--like a Gold Eternium Band for when things turn serious.

Give (Na)grand gestures
Assuming you've scored a date, don't screw it up by suggesting a swim in the Stormwind canals. Think big--and, in this case, think Nagrand. It's tops on the list of places being alt-z'ed for screenshots due to its picturesque plains and safari wildlife. Arranging a romantic picnic basket (10 love tokens) there can score major points just for its sheer charm. But if the level zone proves too dangerous for your lowbie love, the log cabins in Elwynn Forest or soft meadows in Mulgore are great alternatives. Just beware of newbie crashers asking for directions.

Sweeten the Deal
Fill up her mailbox with a daily bite of heart candies (2 love tokens for 10 pieces) and box of chocolates (10 tokens for six pieces). Reminder her each day why she's lucky to have you.

Begin with the compliments ("Hot Lips!") and work your way up to stalker possessiveness ("Be Mine!"). The achievements are a nice icing to the seduction cake, so stock up on the desserts. It's not that hard to turn in those charm bracelets for love token currencies, but if you're pressed for time just grab some WoW Gold and purchase them over at the Auction House.

Fire Up the Charm
Now this works best during the weekends when there are tons of toons in the city square. Purchase a pile of love rockets (5 love tokens for 5 pieces)  and fill the skies with hearts. It's even better to macro it together with a trade shout proclaiming sweet snippets of affection. The logistics are more complicated and requires quick fingers, but if you can master the Heigan dance (and you should), then this will be a walk in the park.

But if after all these, she's still as cold as Sindragosa, then it might be time to give up. Sometimes the battle has been lost long before it's started (see QQ posts on belf hotties shooting me down) so hand those charm bracelets to a more receptive babe. Or sell the whole lot--WoW Gold is just as sexy, you know.

Epic First Date Of The Year

2010’s been pretty kind to me, bro. If you can recall in my very first WoW Gold Pig post, I have mentioned my self-imposed break in the dating department.

But since it’s the start of a new year and a new decade, it’s time The Bradster got his mojo back. Guess who just got home from an epic first date with a smokin’ college senior? Hale yes, dude.

In the words of Cameron James from 10 Things I Hate About You (man, that movie’s a classic), “And I’m back in the game!”

So we met up in the mall earlier today and watched Avatar, what else. Paid for everything―tickets, popcorn, candy and drinks. It’s actually my second time seeing the movie but I didn’t mind. Worth paying twice for the best movie of 2009 and presumably, 2010.

Here, a look behind the scenes:



When the trailer first came out, I did have my reservations.

While I didn’t go as far as saying it’s some dumb, overrated CGI crapfest like some people, I thought it wouldn’t live up to the hype. Yes, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, I’m referring to you.

The 300-million dollar James Cameron motion capture film, however, has been steadily holding on to the top spot for 4 weeks now and has earned over $1 BILLION worldwide. It’s currently just behind Titanic, another James Cameron masterpiece, in the all-time box office champs category. JFC, he’s competing with himself for the top spot. Now that’s just badass.

Kinda like how my date went. I know, not the best word to use but what I meant to say is that it was way more awesome than I expected a first date to be.

One little setback though is that she isn’t as enthusiastic as I am about gaming. So what if she’s never played nor ever heard of World of Warcraft? Or that she initially thought MMO was a derivative of IMO (which IMHO, is actually quite endearing)?

Really, so what? I mean, I could convert her. Not easily, as seems to be the case, but maybe after the second or third date I could get her to play with my toon and do small stuff like picking herbs first or something.

But this can only be done if she says yes to my invitation of spending more quality time over at my pad. And if my boys say yes to moving raid night to Sunday instead.

Hard, but not impossible.

Hope 2010's good to you too piggies!

Hot Date, Hot Sales!

Piglets, my date was hotter than a luau tiki torch! She was da bomb, no she was da molten lava, no hotter than molten lava! Sorry if I'm sputtering here, but oh boy, I'm so happy I could skateboard right into Mount Kilauea! I'm seeing her again next weekend (drool, drool).

Okay enough drooling. On to more good news: WoW Gold Pig's sales are going up! The word on our WoW gold's dirt cheap prices and quick deliveries is spreading. Our customers are real happy campers and helping spread the word about the Pig AND letting people know who the real Sir Oinks-a-Lot is! Boo to the pretender to the throne, you know who you are!

Sir Oinks-a-Lot. Has a nice ring to it. All that's missing is my Queen Guinevere. Sigh, oink

The Pig Cares About Cred

The Pig takes his business very seriously, little piggies. I didn't put up WoWGoldPig as a hobby. Nope, this is a VERY SERIOUS, VERY INTENSE deal. Think of it as my baby that brings home the bacon for me and makes life easier for busy WoW players. More importantly, this deal is also about giving the WoW gold-selling industry some CRED while maintaining my business' own CRED!

That's why I'm pissed when others take all the hard work of the Pig and his compadres and rip it off from the front, side and backside. But we all know that no copycat crime goes unnoticed (especially something as OBVIOUS as....hmm, my snout is sealed, even muzzled for now but go read the older posts for a clue, oink!). Pretty soon, WoW gold-buying peeps will catch on and know who the real McOink is!

In other news, the Pig has a date on Saturday night with a HOT HOT HOT MAMACITA! Think Blood Elf gorgeous, but with pupils in her lovely green eyes. WISH ME LUCK!!!