In A Rush For The Plush

THEY’RE HEEEERE!!!

I just checked the Blizz store and got good news. The Wind Rider Cub and Gryphon Hatchling have now broken out of their shells, ready to fly and land straight to your doorstep.

Now the Warcraft Plush Pets, the first in a new series of “cuddly, crafty critters”, have been announced a few weeks back. I’m not the biggest fan of stuffed animals, especially now that I’ve manned up and developed a six-pack (not entirely true ATM but I’m getting there), though I have to admit that these adorable playthings―yes, I did in fact use the word playthings―tug at my bacon-smothered heartstrings.

Come to Papi!

I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now, actually. See, the Pandaren Monk (the one that helped raise up to $1.1M in sales and made wishes come true…woot!) already costs 10 bucks a piece so it goes without saying that these Plushies would cost a pretty penny. And I was right. They officially went on sale yesterday and are $24.99 each to be exact.

The age-old Shakespearean-esque question remains: To buy or not to buy?

Dammit, they’re available for a limited time only so I gotta think fast! I believe the pros outweigh the cons though. The best part of this purchase is the bonus in-game pet code. The thought of not flying by my lonesome in Azeroth gets me stoked, dude!

Also, you can adopt either pet in-game regardless of your faction which is great but also kinda irrelevant as I play both Alliance and Horde. Don’t hate.

Plus, it doesn’t hurt to add to my collection of toys for the big boys. If that doesn’t work, I could always give the plush away to my niece current squeeze as a “just because” type of gift. Yeah, chicks dig that stuff.

Or not. I could invite her over at my place to hang out, carefully misplace the furry little gem somewhere she’d instantly see and then ever so casually tell her that she can take it home. Even better man! Geeky, yes. But I still score points for the cute factor.

In any case, I am saving up.

Titansteel with My Cereal, Yum!

Ah Blizzard, why must you spoil us like those prized pigs at the fair?

We’re still digesting all the sweet goodness from the random dungeon tool. Now, you bring a patch update that makes it even easier for us to own epic gear and a Mechano-hog mount? Yep, we've died and gone to epic heaven.

How does Patch 3.3.3 do this exactly, you porkers ask? Well the patch notes show the removal of the 20-hour smelting cooldown for titansteel bar. This means miners can now churn out an unlimited number of titansteel bars, one of the main reagents for crafting the Mechano-hog, Jeeves and dozens of other amazing purple items.

Our advice is to save up on WoW Gold (or get a little help from the Pig if you’re a bit short on coin) and wait for the patch to go live. By then, you can purchase the once-rare titansteel in stacks and have enough to tip a master engineer or blacksmith.

If you’re a blacksmith who mines his own ores, abolishing the titansteel cooldown will bring even bigger bucks to your profession. We suggest saving a nice spot at a Dalaran forge because you’ll soon be cranking out Boots of Kingly Upheaval like never before.

There’s always a supply of freshly minted 80’s who like to get geared fast for heroics so take the time to cash in on your profession. Or just use it to become that popular guy who helps guildies gear up for their weekly raid runs.

Chicks dig guys who provide--it’s just how human nature works--so fire up that furnace and hammer away all that welfare titansteel!

Burning Rubber for the Old Timers

Whenever I ride through the old world towns in my Mekgineer’s Chopper, lowbies always ask me: "Is that sweet ride worth it?"

Yes, it cost me an insane amount of WoW Gold. and buying it devastated my bank alt ("What about the children?!"). But the Chopper is, hands down, the coolest mount in the game. Far cooler than the Big Love rocket no doubt. It's the e-p33n equivalent of a Harley Davidson with a crap ton of in-game use.

Take the ongoing Lunar Festival, for example. I can’t imagine completing the meta achievement To Honor One’s Elders without my Mek-daddy. Nothing beats warming up that motor, inviting a buddy along, and just visiting those elders as fast as possible.

My buddy who tagged along also had a dual screen PC so he googled the most efficient travel routes for us. The passenger seat of the Chopper also made sure I had fun company on the road. Prepare for a snooze-fest if you plan on visiting the 70+ elders alone.

It's also useful to have a pal around when raiding the Horde capitals for their elders. His dwarf pally stirred up some trouble in Orgrimmar until every trigger happy mage blasted him with a fireball.  Meanwhile, I sneaked off to talk to Elder Darkhorn before happily switching roles as a Horde training dummy.

With my trusty Chopper, we collected all the Coins of Ancestry in a day, and one step closer to the mother of all rides: the Violet Proto-Drake. 310% flying speed will be golden when Cataclysm arrives complete with the new zones like Grim Batol near Uldaman.

If you've never been to Grim Batol, porkers, take the Chopper for a spin there after finishing the holiday achievement. The dragons are hiding something big behind those doors so try getting a peek inside--Elune knows I've tried!

How Fast Food Made My Valentine’s Special

Dude no, that is disgusting. I did not spend the night playing with the McDonalds’ Happy Meal Barbie doll I got from eBay last week. That’s for my niece’s birthday! Which is…7 months from now but uhh, I like buying gifts in advance so sue me.

Anyway, it’s true. Valentine’s Day was no longer S.A.D. (FYI, that’s Single Awareness Day) because I had an amazing date yesterday, so amazing that it didn’t leave me broke. And I actually impressed the girl (from the epic first date last month, remember?) by treating her to fast food! Not only that, we just ate in! How am I so sure she’s impressed? She asked ME if I had plans for next week and gave me the look after the 10-second goodnight kiss. Unreal, bro.

Okay, so I know you must be racking your brains, figuring out how I managed to knock a girl off her feet with greasy fare in my humble abode. But don’t worry, I’ll let you in on my secret in a little bit.

See, at first I was thinking about taking her out to dinner and a movie but then I realized that’s what everyone else is doing. WTB originality. So instead of making dinner reservations somewhere swanky and with menu items I’d have to rely on my amateurish tongue-acrobatics to pronounce, I figured we’ll have a more intimate homemade dinner. Plus, there’s no chance of us running into each other’s exes. How’s that for thoughtful?

The thought may count but dude, it’s the execution that matters in the end.

I’ll be the first to say that while I’m an expert face stuffer, I am in no way close to being the best meal maker. The fanciest dish I’ve probably ever attempted was a poor man’s steak au poivre. “Attempted” being the operative word. Good thing I stumbled upon fancyfastfood.com, transforming daily no-fuss grub to exquisite replicas of chef’s specials.

They’ve made over Wendy’s Baconator Combo to pass for a fancy schmancy Napoleon, BK’s Whooper & Steakhouse Burger into a fancy schmancy Perguignon and Tim Hortons into Tiramisu, among other things. Magicians, these guys.

For our date, I successfully prepared Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce, which is nothing but a fancified Mcdonald’s Filet-O-Fish. Of course, she didn't need to know that.

Not the one I made. It looked damn close to this one though.

Now why fast food? Well, if you’re like me, who’s a) just a regular dude and b) strapped for cash, fast food is a savior of sorts. And because c’mon, who doesn’t like fast food? It’s a guilty pleasure, whether you admit to that or not. Funny, I didn’t even feel a tinge of guilt as I watched her pleasure herself with every bite…

Plus, I got her the 36-piece Valentine’s Day Ballotin Godiva set for dessert. You can’t go wrong with chocolate. Unless if she’s allergic or dieting or picky, which is not the case at all so yes, The Bradster scores major points again! Woot!

Later into the night, we toasted to some fancy wine I stole from Pops’ wine rack when I went home during the holidays. Again, she didn’t need to know that.

Last but not the least, I serenaded her with my cover of Stolen by Dashboard Confessional ― complete with guitar in hand. I had to, man. Every guy has to have a signature move and that’s mine.

Boy, I sure came a long way from my Wowing the WoW Girls series. How’d you celebrate Valentines?

Pigz Got (Social) Skillz, Y’all

4 days to go before the big V Day. Yeah, we do countdowns too. Nothing wrong with that. Some might think that we’re getting overly anxious just trying to get past the large stumbling block of getting a date this upcoming Hallmark holiday. But they’d have to think again.

Truthfully, we’re no basement dwellers (I used to be one up until last year but I am not one now anymore and that’s beside the point). The geeky, sweaty, mouth-breathery stereotype of gamers is passé. But them peoples are ignorant, man. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that us pigs got game!

To prove just that, I present you the WoW Gold Pig-approved list of in-game pick-up lines (thank you, internet):

"So hey, if I get to exalted with you do I get a 'Special' Epic Mount?"
"Hey, nice pants. What's the drop rate?"
“Are those pants from Mount Hyjal? Cause that ass is EPIC.”
"Don't worry, baby. I've got a Blessing of Protection."
“I dont need to cast a fire spell to ignite your fire.”
“Yeah, that's right... I'm hung like a Tauren.”
"Wanna raid my chamber?"
“Are you a vendor? Because I'd like to browse your goods.”

Not too shabby huh? A tip for piglets though: You don’t wanna come across as a pervy creep so use sparingly.

Now that I’ve got you equipped with mayjah skillz, I’ll leave you with an oldie but goodie to get you in the right perspective― Nymh’s Hard Like Heroic. Sleazefest FTW!




You’re welcome.

WTB Love: A Porker's Guide to Valentine's Dating

Ah, love is in the air again, porkers.

The streets of Dalaran are littered with rose petals and Pendlefeet begs me to feed him heart candies while I'm banking. It took me awhile to get used to all the pink on-screen, but at least Blizzard gave us gents a chance to redeem our manliness with tools to woo the ladies. Below are some tips on how to buy love--or at least a smooch--with your love tokens:

Suited for the Occasion.
Squeeze into a dinner suit (20 love tokens), splash on some cologne, and get a fresh cut at the barbers before asking out that half-naked draenei gyrating for gold coins. A dashing toon can sweep a girl in need off her bare feet, especially one that looks like he won't scrimp on the finer things in life--like a Gold Eternium Band for when things turn serious.

Give (Na)grand gestures
Assuming you've scored a date, don't screw it up by suggesting a swim in the Stormwind canals. Think big--and, in this case, think Nagrand. It's tops on the list of places being alt-z'ed for screenshots due to its picturesque plains and safari wildlife. Arranging a romantic picnic basket (10 love tokens) there can score major points just for its sheer charm. But if the level zone proves too dangerous for your lowbie love, the log cabins in Elwynn Forest or soft meadows in Mulgore are great alternatives. Just beware of newbie crashers asking for directions.

Sweeten the Deal
Fill up her mailbox with a daily bite of heart candies (2 love tokens for 10 pieces) and box of chocolates (10 tokens for six pieces). Reminder her each day why she's lucky to have you.

Begin with the compliments ("Hot Lips!") and work your way up to stalker possessiveness ("Be Mine!"). The achievements are a nice icing to the seduction cake, so stock up on the desserts. It's not that hard to turn in those charm bracelets for love token currencies, but if you're pressed for time just grab some WoW Gold and purchase them over at the Auction House.

Fire Up the Charm
Now this works best during the weekends when there are tons of toons in the city square. Purchase a pile of love rockets (5 love tokens for 5 pieces)  and fill the skies with hearts. It's even better to macro it together with a trade shout proclaiming sweet snippets of affection. The logistics are more complicated and requires quick fingers, but if you can master the Heigan dance (and you should), then this will be a walk in the park.

But if after all these, she's still as cold as Sindragosa, then it might be time to give up. Sometimes the battle has been lost long before it's started (see QQ posts on belf hotties shooting me down) so hand those charm bracelets to a more receptive babe. Or sell the whole lot--WoW Gold is just as sexy, you know.

WoW Armory – A Stalker’s BFF

All right, we got a situation (not The Situation, thank God) on our hands hooves. Potentially speaking, at least. Blizzard’s a freakin’ enabler for stalkers these days, man.








First, they update the WoW Armory. The one with the 3D character models? Yeah, that’s pretty sweet.







It also came with the character and calendar activity feeds, which I’m sure you’re all already familiar with at this point. And now there’s an app that pretty much does the same thing in Facebook too! YAY!!!

*rolls eyes and wolfs down a Snickers bar*

I think they’ve gone overboard with the whole “if you got it, flaunt it” belief thinking that we all want to share our best in-game achievements with everyone. It does nothing but stroke your…Okay, let’s not go there. The main issue here is that of privacy. That’s what it really boils down to. Thanks to timestamps, anyone can follow your toon’s developments in real time, as it displays the exact time and date of when you last played.

Not that I have anything to hide or be ashamed of concerning my stats but then again, I’m not entirely comfortable giving just anyone open access to my gaming habits. I mean, you can’t opt out. That’s the thing, dude. Just recently, my buddy’s parents girlfriend used the timestamps against him as evidence that he lied about working overtime as an excuse to ditch her cousin’s wedding rehearsal on that same Friday his update showed he completed “some dumb achievement.” Needless to say, he got rid of the Facebook app.

You see, this isn’t just about your cover being blown. On a more serious note, people’s accounts are subjected to greater risk. Those without Battle.net Authenticators might just be the ones hit the hardest.

Armed with the latest WoW stalking tool, those pesky hackers could track down your gaming habits just by finding out your character’s name plus server, and go online at times you don't usually play to do their dirty deeds. Like, I don’t know, possibly rolling a new toon on a different server and play your account for bot farming and in the process get caught and suspended with you none the wiser? Yes, my dear pigs, I really do think I’m on to something here. This isn’t me trying to be all Sherlock Holmes-y on you.

So here’s my advice. If you don’t have a Battle.net Authenticator yet, get one! Also, always keep your passwords to yourself. It’s all about taking precautionary measures.

Now, what else should we prepare ourselves for? Hmm, I think I’ve got it all covered. Oh yeah ― SPAM. Those WoW Armory feeds can spam like nobody’s business. I only like my spam canned (and subsequently diced to put in my mac and cheese or toasted to pure perfection), TYVM.

There's a party in my mouth and you're invited, S.

Phat Gear in Patch 3.3.2

Hey, porkers, hope you skipped the lunch buffet because Patch 3.3.2 just served a pile of phat gear for us to chew on.

In this major patch that opens up the Frostwing Halls, we get to save a green dragon from being a Scourge lab rat and kill an undead wyrm who likes to eat heroes frosted. Clearing both encounters unlocks the path to the Frozen Throne room where, if spoilers are to be trusted, hero NPCs like Sylvanas and Jaina will help in the final battle against Arthas.

Within a couple of days, top guilds have attempted to down the Lich King but only a select few succeeded such as  Blood Legion (10-man world first kill) and Ensidia Paragon (legit 25-man normal world first kill). The biggest incentive for these leet groups aside from the bragging rights are the drool-worthy loot drops listed here and here. I don't know about you dudes, but I'd pay WoW Gold to get a glimpse of those heroic 25-man weapons with their awesome stats and loregasm quotes.

For the PvP hogs out there, the coveted items will be the new armor sets for the Season 8 Arena.

 
I'd rock the paladin set (shown above) in a heartbeat but something tells I should donate the helmet to the Deadmines diggers. The rogue set concept also owns because blind assassins are simply badass.

Patch 3.3.2 even made gear-hunting faster for those still working their way up the ilevels. Several nerfs have made the bosses easier in some dungeons (Forge of Souls, Nexus) and sped up the NPC run times in others (Halls of Stone).

So go, pig out on all the emblems. Just remember to stock up on WoW Gold for fish feasts and other vital consumables. Believe me, the well fed buff can make a fail PuG a barely-made-it win.

February Feeding Frenzy!

I know, I know. It still doesn’t top National Pork Month. I don’t think any food holiday ever can. Not on WoW Gold Pig’s list, that’s fo sho. But any cause to let yourself go have fun with food is suficiente bueno for us.

For the whole month of February―gasp, only 28 days!―we will be devoted to snacking EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Definitely not a job for someone who’s had S’mores Pop Tarts for his morning snack, chili dog for on-the-go, Tangy Roasted Corn Fritos for mid-afternoon, cinnamon rolls for pre-dinner and the criminally tempting Everything But The…Ben and Jerry’s to fight the midnight snack attack. Eh so that may seem a little much but dude seriously, where am I supposed to get all my energy? 3 square “barely there” meals just won’t cut it.

So like the gluttonous little oinker that I am, I searched the web for interesting snack ideas. It wasn’t long ‘til I found two WoW-inspired snacks, courtesy of snackordie.com, where games and gastronomical pleasures find true love and live slobbily ever after.



So I found these Hearthstone cinnamon buns first. Yes, here’s to hoping that if I eat this I could teleport myself straight to the kitchen and then back to the couch, kitchen-couch, kitchen-couch…oh joy.









Show off your faction pride with these Horde cupcakes. I could just imagine my stomach growling, “For the Horde!!!” as the cake and icing bits hit the roof of my mouth.





Now if only my favorite WoW desserts could materialize. Mmm…moist, buttercreamy goodness of red velvet cupcake, tarty-starchy mix of the berry pie slice, down home comfort of a deep fried candybar…

Jeez, all this snack talk is making me hungry. Again. Whoo boy, are my porcine instincts in overdrive or what? Happy NSFM piggies!

Fishing it Forward

Getting free stuff in WoW is pretty neat at the off chance it happens. Like when a warrior decked out in Relentless Gladiators handed my lowbie alt a green upgrade. It was unexpected but appreciated nonetheless since it saved me an auction search or quest run, at the very least.

I see the same level of kindness whenever fish feasts are laid out before me when running PuGs. These marine luaus aren’t cheap in terms of WoW Gold, so it pleases me when a stranger is kind enough to spoil me like a lil piggy. (Well, yeah, a part of me wishes a bacon and eggs buffet was available instead).

Yes, even that huntard deserves it. [Pic Source]

When I asked a draenei priest who gave out one without any prodding said she wanted runs to be more pleasant, and told me to try it sometime when I can.

See, aside from giving great buffs, fish feasts also lighten the mood of a PuG run—even when it goes real bad. Just the other day, on normal Utgarde Pinnacle, the group wiped on a trash mob pull. Blames ensued and names called that no mother will ever want to hear, so I thought of laying out the fish feast.

It worked like a charm. Suddenly, the smug rogue was giving tips to the inexperienced death knight, and the tank and healer have stopped taking potshots at each other. When we cleared the dungeon without wiping again, I officially became an advocate of fishing it forward. Call me crazy, but with how some PuGs are acting these days, Blizzard could use a community goodwill trainer in the spitting image of Trevor McKinney played by Haley Joel Osment in the classic movie Pay it Forward.


So if you find yourself flying around Dalaran with nothing better to do, go level up that fishing skill. Then head to Wintergrasp to fish for the mats or just buy wholesale at the AH when prices are low and you have all the WoW Gold to spare.

I promise you’ll get the same fuzzy feeling I get, as if I’m making WoW a better place one plate of fish at a time. Well until Cataclysm arrives and both factions get to slit each other's throats like never before again... *looks at Garrosh and shakes head in disdain*