Tuesday, February 16, 2010

How Fast Food Made My Valentine’s Special

Dude no, that is disgusting. I did not spend the night playing with the McDonalds’ Happy Meal Barbie doll I got from eBay last week. That’s for my niece’s birthday! Which is…7 months from now but uhh, I like buying gifts in advance so sue me.

Anyway, it’s true. Valentine’s Day was no longer S.A.D. (FYI, that’s Single Awareness Day) because I had an amazing date yesterday, so amazing that it didn’t leave me broke. And I actually impressed the girl (from the epic first date last month, remember?) by treating her to fast food! Not only that, we just ate in! How am I so sure she’s impressed? She asked ME if I had plans for next week and gave me the look after the 10-second goodnight kiss. Unreal, bro.

Okay, so I know you must be racking your brains, figuring out how I managed to knock a girl off her feet with greasy fare in my humble abode. But don’t worry, I’ll let you in on my secret in a little bit.

See, at first I was thinking about taking her out to dinner and a movie but then I realized that’s what everyone else is doing. WTB originality. So instead of making dinner reservations somewhere swanky and with menu items I’d have to rely on my amateurish tongue-acrobatics to pronounce, I figured we’ll have a more intimate homemade dinner. Plus, there’s no chance of us running into each other’s exes. How’s that for thoughtful?

The thought may count but dude, it’s the execution that matters in the end.

I’ll be the first to say that while I’m an expert face stuffer, I am in no way close to being the best meal maker. The fanciest dish I’ve probably ever attempted was a poor man’s steak au poivre. “Attempted” being the operative word. Good thing I stumbled upon fancyfastfood.com, transforming daily no-fuss grub to exquisite replicas of chef’s specials.

They’ve made over Wendy’s Baconator Combo to pass for a fancy schmancy Napoleon, BK’s Whooper & Steakhouse Burger into a fancy schmancy Perguignon and Tim Hortons into Tiramisu, among other things. Magicians, these guys.

For our date, I successfully prepared Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce, which is nothing but a fancified Mcdonald’s Filet-O-Fish. Of course, she didn't need to know that.

Not the one I made. It looked damn close to this one though.

Now why fast food? Well, if you’re like me, who’s a) just a regular dude and b) strapped for cash, fast food is a savior of sorts. And because c’mon, who doesn’t like fast food? It’s a guilty pleasure, whether you admit to that or not. Funny, I didn’t even feel a tinge of guilt as I watched her pleasure herself with every bite…

Plus, I got her the 36-piece Valentine’s Day Ballotin Godiva set for dessert. You can’t go wrong with chocolate. Unless if she’s allergic or dieting or picky, which is not the case at all so yes, The Bradster scores major points again! Woot!

Later into the night, we toasted to some fancy wine I stole from Pops’ wine rack when I went home during the holidays. Again, she didn’t need to know that.

Last but not the least, I serenaded her with my cover of Stolen by Dashboard Confessional complete with guitar in hand. I had to, man. Every guy has to have a signature move and that’s mine.

Boy, I sure came a long way from my Wowing the WoW Girls series. How’d you celebrate Valentines?

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