Monday, February 8, 2010

WTB Love: A Porker's Guide to Valentine's Dating

Ah, love is in the air again, porkers.

The streets of Dalaran are littered with rose petals and Pendlefeet begs me to feed him heart candies while I'm banking. It took me awhile to get used to all the pink on-screen, but at least Blizzard gave us gents a chance to redeem our manliness with tools to woo the ladies. Below are some tips on how to buy love--or at least a smooch--with your love tokens:

Suited for the Occasion.
Squeeze into a dinner suit (20 love tokens), splash on some cologne, and get a fresh cut at the barbers before asking out that half-naked draenei gyrating for gold coins. A dashing toon can sweep a girl in need off her bare feet, especially one that looks like he won't scrimp on the finer things in life--like a Gold Eternium Band for when things turn serious.

Give (Na)grand gestures
Assuming you've scored a date, don't screw it up by suggesting a swim in the Stormwind canals. Think big--and, in this case, think Nagrand. It's tops on the list of places being alt-z'ed for screenshots due to its picturesque plains and safari wildlife. Arranging a romantic picnic basket (10 love tokens) there can score major points just for its sheer charm. But if the level zone proves too dangerous for your lowbie love, the log cabins in Elwynn Forest or soft meadows in Mulgore are great alternatives. Just beware of newbie crashers asking for directions.

Sweeten the Deal
Fill up her mailbox with a daily bite of heart candies (2 love tokens for 10 pieces) and box of chocolates (10 tokens for six pieces). Reminder her each day why she's lucky to have you.

Begin with the compliments ("Hot Lips!") and work your way up to stalker possessiveness ("Be Mine!"). The achievements are a nice icing to the seduction cake, so stock up on the desserts. It's not that hard to turn in those charm bracelets for love token currencies, but if you're pressed for time just grab some WoW Gold and purchase them over at the Auction House.

Fire Up the Charm
Now this works best during the weekends when there are tons of toons in the city square. Purchase a pile of love rockets (5 love tokens for 5 pieces)  and fill the skies with hearts. It's even better to macro it together with a trade shout proclaiming sweet snippets of affection. The logistics are more complicated and requires quick fingers, but if you can master the Heigan dance (and you should), then this will be a walk in the park.

But if after all these, she's still as cold as Sindragosa, then it might be time to give up. Sometimes the battle has been lost long before it's started (see QQ posts on belf hotties shooting me down) so hand those charm bracelets to a more receptive babe. Or sell the whole lot--WoW Gold is just as sexy, you know.

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