Real Life Achievements

Achievements. It's the new in thing for games. I loved it on the Xbox 360 and when I heard that World of Warcraft is getting an achievement system, I simply wet my pants.

With Mtn Dew, of course.

Nowadays, I find myself just checking the Achievements tab for what to do. I ran old-world instances, /loved squirrels, /hugged Alliance and even jumped off high cliffs just to get the lovely schwing you get from unlocking an achievement. It's pure genius. Adding an addictive meta-game to an equally addictive MMORPG.

And then they added Peggle and real life was made obsolete.

Of course that's totally uncool. So to even things out, I logged out of WoW and told myself "Pig, you need to get out more. Why not do some REAL LIFE achievements?"

What an awesome idea, dude! But how should I go about that?

"Well first, we need to put on some pants and stop talking to ourselves. And stop addressing yourself as 'we'."

Right. Let's go! Oops, better not forget those pants.

The glare of the midday sun hits me for 59,578 damage. But I'm not staring at the Spirit Healer yet, strange. Was that an achievement?

Anyway, while walking down the street I saw a really hot chick walking her dog. Now this is an achievement. Maybe I should talk to her?

I went up to her and proceeded to strike up some muddled up conversation about bacon, murlocs, flathead screwdrivers and couch lint. Suave. Real suave. My face was so red, you could've mistaken me for a canker sore.

Then she started smiling. And then she giggled at me.

Finally! A female specimen who appreciates my masculine charm, and whose name doesn't end in .jpeg! I think I just unlocked an achievement big time.

Apparently, I put my pants on backward (how the hell does someone manage to do that?). I also stepped in her dog's explosive diarrhea. Just great.



This is why I don't go out.