Monday, August 3, 2009

A Letter to Megan Fox from the Pig

Dear Megan Fox,

How are you doing? I know we haven't seen each other recently, with all the movies you're doing and me being a busy man... in Northrend. Even though we're apart, I think we both know that we share a bond that goes back ages.

Back in 2002, I first saw you in the Olsen twins' Holiday in the Sun on DVD. It was a magical moment. I suffered through 17 re-runs of Mary Kate and Ashley's movie just to get to know you better. I had to make sure that my roommate was asleep before firing up the player and replaying your scenes as Brianna Wallace. I remember it vividly like it was yesterday.

Oh wait, that *was* yesterday. But what's a few years' difference compared to our love?

I Tivo'd your TV guestings and tried to get as much pictures of you on the net. My devotion to you knows no bounds - not even pasta. I once built your likeness out of my mother's home-made lasagna. While it pales in comparison to your beauty, the fluidity of the grease represents your shimmering complexion, and your lovely hair is perfectly captured by the cheesy goodness.

Not pictured: Megan Fox

Our relationship continued on the TV and the big screen... and in 2004, we took the next step in our quest for love - you starred alongside that LaBeouf dude in Transformers. You made my body feel things in place I never knew existed.

Optimus Prime also has that effect on me, but trust that I'll always "Transform and Roll Out" for you anytime, Megan-baby. Yes it doesn't make any sense to me either, but you have to admit, it sounds pretty darn cool.

No? Fine.

You finally got your break and you became a star... A star that this little pig had a hard time reaching. We'd go without contact for days, months and years. You'd sometimes surprise me with a picture of Google Image Search once in a while, and who would forget those photos that were strangely devoid of clothes? Not that I'm complaining, of course.

Enter 2009 - Michale effin' Bay released this year's summer blockbuster; Robots and Explosions 2: Revenge of Megan Fox. While most of the movie didn't make sense, I just wish I was there with you instead of Shia the Beef.

Alas, it feels as if you were just another thing that this pig couldn't obtain. As I'm typing this out with tears in my eyes and cheetos on my fingers, please remember me.



P.S. Tell Michael Bay that explosions do not a good movie make.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

you sure you wanted to be shia and not the little robot on the leash?

August 4, 2009 at 1:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bacon and Megan Fox really mix. Yummy!

August 4, 2009 at 3:25 PM  
Anonymous dipndots said...

Uhm uhm yeah! Megan is so soo yummylicious hehehe XD

August 9, 2009 at 11:22 PM  

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